This is my beloved and this is my friend.
Song of Solomon 5:16
We were having lunch at a café just north of Seattle when we noticed a young couple at another table. The man got up to pay the bill but his wife stayed seated in their booth. After paying the check, her husband came back and stood in front of her. She put her arms around his neck, and he lifted her up with his arms supporting her legs. He backed out the front door with her to a pick-up truck as she continued to hold her arms around his neck.
He gently put his wife into the cab of the truck. Everyone in the little restaurant watched. As they pulled away you could see a folded wheelchair strapped into the bed of the truck. No one said anything until a waitress remarked, “That man took his vows seriously.”
The restaurant stayed silent for a moment longer. A few nodded in agreement. And everyone felt a sense of reverence.
It can’t help but touch your heart when you see something like this. Saying your vows on your wedding day is one thing – living them out when life gets tough is another. Perhaps that’s why some couples are re-writing the traditional vows of marriage. USA Today, in an article titled “Couples Take Their Vows in a New Direction,” reported the following:
“The Bible is losing ground on the wedding aisle, and forever may follow obey into oblivion, particularly for those who marry in civil or non-denominational ceremonies.”
The piece went on to interview the editor of Bride’s magazine who said, “many couples prefer to start their lives together with ‘guidelines, not a straight-jacket of rules.’”
It’s a sad perception. Vows are not rules. And they’re certainly not guidelines. Our vows are a public demonstration of a commitment to what the Bible calls a covenant relationship. Malachi 2:14 says that marriage is a holy covenant before God. For Christians, marriage goes beyond the earthly promise. It’s a divine picture of the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church. Our promise to love and honor each other is a spiritual representation of our relationship with God.
“Vows made in storm are forgotten in calm.”
–Thomas Fuller
If you’re like us, married quite a few years, you may not think about your vows too often. You just live them – until something jolts your life together. But just as the man with the pickup carried his wife, give some thought to how God has carried the two of you in your marriage.
For the two of us, we know God carried us through the birth of our first son when he was born premature, weighing just a pound and struggling for life through multiple surgeries. We know from research that an experience like this can drive couples apart. And if it weren’t for God’s grace in our lives we know it could have surely happened to us.
Reflect and Respond
How has God carried the two of you through a tough time?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
For those who want to grow in the art of loving well, this book contains reflections on 1 Corinthians 13, featuring 16 different translations and paraphrases of the Bible’s beloved “Love Chapter.”
To order yours, click here.
Our marriage has been a series of events that could have destroyed our marriage. The first year of marriage I severely injured my back in the ARMY. I didn’t know the pain would never get better, instead it has continued to grow more intense and constant through the years. The skills I learned in the ARMY Were useless because of the physical work required, so I opened a series of businesses to try and fulfill all of our dreams. She would always say to me, “if you think it’s Gods will” I have never been accused of not providing. I think she is incredible for sticking with me. Our biggest challenge was when my doctors discovered a disease that was making me become useless and old before my time. After a year of treatments that made me feel worse, my spirit changed because I couldn’t accept how I Would never be able to make her happy in the way I wanted to. I always told her I will make her rich. I knew it was impossible now .What I discovered was that she was not unhappy with my unhealthy body, but my changed spirit. I was constantly complaining, arguing, blaming and filled with anger.She had every right to leave me, instead she said she decided to stick it out even if I chose to stay miserable and angry. Now I’m getting control of the disease and I have never been closer to her. I still want to conquer the world for her but my choices are about her happiness first and my dreams second. I see my weakness as a blessing that constantly reminds me that I owe all I have to God. My wife and I took our vow of marriage as a commitment till death. I’m happy to know she meant it as much as I did. If I hadn’t been sick, I would still be a jerk and she would still be with me hoping and praying I would change. This trial saved our marriage, but only because we refused to divorce and we refused to stay miserable.
Matt: Wow! You guys have been through it! And what a turn-around story. So inspirational. We can’t say thanks enough for sharing this personal testimony with us. And I know others who read it will be inspired, too. Thank you for your service as well. Wishing you all the best.
The miscarriage of our first child just into the 2nd trimester….you know…right when you relax a bit because you made it through the 1st trimester. But God carried us through together. Now, we have two amazing healthy children. And one extremely loving and healthy marriage.
Eric: That experience is tougher than many understand. But how great to be where you are now! Thanks for sharing.
God has carried us through infidelity in 2003 which is why we started a marriage ministry in 2007. We realized that even though we were teaching Sunday School, we did not have a true relationship with the Father. And He is a jealous God. I was idolizing my husband & God wanted me to idolize Him. Now we serve Him with our whole hearts & soul & we work for His kingdom building by ministering to other married couples in our home once a month & at other churches; sharing our testimonies & offering biblical yet practical ways to have a thriving marriage!
Zina: What a story you two have! Thanks for sharing it. I’m guessing you’re an inspiration to couples around you like crazy.
My husband and I are in the midst of a trial. We’ve been married since May and living with his folks, which has not been easy for me. They are negative people who do not like each other.
His dad became disabled in October and came home from the hospital/rehab in December. We have been working his farm, plus our full-time jobs, since he got sick, without complaint.
Last week, he called us in and told us about many things he thought we were doing wrong, including parenting my stepson. It was so hurtful when all we have done is work hard to be helpful. We decided to find a place of our own and have been working on pre-approval and house shopping.
My mother-in-law spoke with my husband alone last night and said she knew nothing of the conversation last week and cried and said how tired she is from taking care of him (they’re in their 70’s) and basically made my husband feel bad about leaving.
He doesn’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t think parents of grown children should be hurt by their finding happiness and wanting to leave the nest.
Prayers welcome! I know God will bring us through this, closer than ever.
Jenn: Woah! We will pray for you.
This is such a great story and posting. My wife and I got married 22 years ago, when I was moving between being agnostic and atheist. When we got married it was made pretty clear I didn’t want anything even close to a religious ceremony. We got married on a beautiful hill, by a Justice of the Peace, and said vows that didn’t include many of the traditional bible related material. 22 years later after finding God almost 10 years ago, I have often considered retaking our vows, which we might do some day. However, I have also come realize that we got married in the beauty of God’s creation, there were more than two of us gathered, the Justice of the Peace still used a bible, and in the end God was with us on that day, even if I refused to notice him. I have continually striven to be the best partner, friend, husband, leader and sometimes follower that my wife could possibly ask for… Some day we may find the need to reestablish that commitment, but until then God has been with us all 22 years, even when I wasn’t with him, and because of his grace and love, not to mention the love and grace my wife and I have for each other I can honestly say we have been blessed to not have had anything the three of us couldn’t handle together…
Andy: So glad you like it. And we love the way you think. Beautiful.
Nancy and I married and brought into our marriage her two sons and my three daughters. Just finding a place for all of to live was the first challenge, but we were able to find, no that’s not correct, God found us a home. It is hard to explain how much grief my daughters gave my wife. Nancy worked so hard to make this house a home, she is so loving and worries so much about others. My two older daughters treated her so badly I am amazed that our marriage survived all the turmoil that went on in our house. I could go into details but there may not be enough space. Calmness prevails in our house now, it is wonderful. Plus, our previous marriages were, for lack of a better term, horrendous. It was God that brought us together and God that kept us together through the troubles we faced. Our vows were traditional, it had to be that way. We believe our marriage was ordained by God.
Donald: Oh my. You two have been through it. We so appreciate you sharing a bit of your story with us. We’re saying a prayer for you today. Lord bless you and your family.
I keep re-reading this devotional … looking for THE best predictor of lasting love, literally. It must be “we do not have family-of-origin issues.” Or “we’re both healthy.” Or “we don’t argue about money.”
Thirty-four years ago, my bride-self didn’t know anything (except I will never be like my parents!) When I do look back — I almost think, haven’t I used up all my Guardian Angels yet?