The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of judgment.
Proverbs 10:21
“I didn’t know you and Gary planned a ski trip for next month,” Leslie said as I ended a phone conversation with my friend Gary.
“Sure you did,” I responded. “You were at dinner that night when I told him it would be great to meet in Colorado this winter. Don’t you remember?”
“I remember being at dinner with you and Gary, but I don’t recall any plans for a ski trip.”
Ever had one of those conversations? Or how about this one:
“What do you mean we’re going to the Campbell’s tomorrow night? You never told me about this.”
“Sure I did. Suzy and I planned this ages ago.”
Or how about this:
“Honey, did I hear you telling your dad on the phone that you landed an important contract yesterday at work?”
“Yes, I meant to tell you about that…”
“The cure for complicated is always simple.”
–Shannon L. Alder
Most couples, traveling at the speed of life, don’t always have a chance to update each other enough. In fact, one recent study reported that couples with kids spend less than five minutes alone together each day when they are not emotionally tuned into the television, the computer or phone.
We move so quickly that when we get home and begin to wind down, our mind shifts into neutral or plugs into some technology that keeps us from debriefing with our spouse.
One of the best ways to counter this experience is with a simple question we’ve been asking each other for years. At some point in the evening, after the kids are tucked in, we’ll say something like: “What are the headlines of your life I didn’t read today?” It’s our way of saying bring me up to speed with anything I don’t know about you and your day.
To give you an example, here are our headlines from just yesterday:
Les – “Feeling pressure over book deadline;” “Loved walking the dog with Jackson;” “Talked with Kevin about his Phoenix trip.”
Leslie – “Mentored a sweet student;” “Helping John with homework;” “Had a hassle with health insurance.”
You get the idea. They’re headlines and the conversation that follows always fills in all the gaps.
Give it a try. This simple question will keep you connected even when your day tries to pull you apart.
Reflect and Respond
What do you do to stay connected to each other?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
We, as nerdy as this sounds…we have a nightly “meeting agenda”. We keep it in Evernote and refer to it. Each night as a “theme”. But, each night also has some of the same elements. But here’s the thing. This isn’t for personal connection like you shared…not exactly. It’s for our growing business. And that is when we talk business. Not at meals. Not when playing with the kids. Not on date night. Our issue was starting to be we would talk shop all the time and never have personal time. So, we have a “team” meeting and talk shop. Then, at meal time….it’s family. Laying in bed at night is when we go over personal headlines.
Eric: Love it! What’s your business? We love hearing about couples who are building a business together. It takes a special couple to work as a business team and it sounds like you two have a lock on it.
Thanks for the reassurance. I’m sure we could learn a thing or two from you two about this. We have launched http://www.FamilyLifeUniversity.org Our mission is to inspire Christ-Centered; Meaningful Marriages, Proactive Parenting and Family Fun. I appreciate you asked.
We love your idea and will try it this week!
Steve and Gail: Fantastic! Thanks for letting us know. Our best to you two.
28 years ago after 28 years of marriage, we attended a marriage encounter weekend and learned how to communicate effectively! Since then we have remained active with other encountered couples who meet once a month to focus on our marriage skills. We have used several of your books at our gatherings, “Meditations on Proverbs for Couples” and “Love Talk” are two of them. As one husband said, “10 minutes of good communication is daily maintenance for marriage – keeps it running more smoothly like oil does for your car.”
Arnie and Sue: Marriage Encounter has helped so many! Wonderful to hear this. And it says so much about you that your “sharpen the saw” of your marriage every month. Way to go!
Where is the mentor program at now?
It seems like it has fallin off the face
of the Earth. Do you gave current
Contact info? Our last info was Scott
Mauwdsly(sp)
Thank you
Steve & Roxy Emmel
Spokane, Wa
God helped my husband and I get through his infidelity of a year and a half. We are married 29 years this July and I thought he would NEVER do this to me…. Well, it just goes to show how Satan works to destroy the marital unit since it is so important to God. Gary and I certainly have trusted God to repair and restore our relationship and we both worked hard to ensure that we would not become a statistic. Both partners have to want to work together and if they truly do, all things can be accomplished with God in the middle. Thank you so much for all your support and written publications that helped us through our journey.
Lori and Gary Peters
West Milford, NJ
Donald & I have been married 23 years, but during our 9th year I wanted to call it quits because that year we both confessed to each other our infidelity to each other. Little did we know at the time that God was preparing us for the road ahead & had we not allowed Him to clean us up and break us,we would not be fit to be used for His kingdom purpose today. I’ll never forget the day he came & knocked on the choir room door as we were fixin to pray before we marched down the aisle at church that morning to sing. I opened the door & he said, “I need to speak to you outside for a moment” I told him, “We don’t have time, church has already started”. He said, “This can’t wait”. He took me outside & confessed to me that he had committed adultery and that he had confessed to God & couldn’t go on until he had confessed to me and made it right with me too. I was hurt, but I also confessed my adultery too, which hit him like a ton of bricks. I marched down that aisle singing and crying. The next few weeks, we didn’t sleep much. We were confessing & crying out to God. After a few months, we were courting again. We didn’t think we could talk about it to anyone because it hurt so much & we were ashamed. But God used that experience to show how if your willing to forgive, He can heal your heart & help you to see your mate in a whole new way. We anointed every door & every window in our home & prayed that no evil come into our home again. God has since used us in a mighty way to help other couples. Thank God that we didn’t give up on each other. Cause God never gave up on us. If God forgave us for our sins, how can we not forgive each other.
Very timely. This morning I got really sick and had to text my husband to come home. He works 45 mins away as a HS counselor. He came home and took care of me. I just read this to him and cried. Very simple but it reminded me of how God comes when we “call” on him. Thankful for my caring husband today. Selfless.
Holding on to Christ our rock