Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband.
Hebrews 13:4

You’ve heard this before: Your brain is your most important sexual organ.

The statement underscores that the human sex drive operates out of the “cortex,” that thin outer layer of the brain where all learning takes place.

Humans use their highly developed brains to learn how, when, where, and whether they will give expression to their sexual urges — this ability for control is what separates us from the animals.

So does this mean that having sex as a husband and wife does not involve “animal instincts”? Not on your life.

We recently spent an entire day, breakfast through dinner, with renowned sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner.

The Penners, authors of The Gift of Sex, have been counseling people on sexual issues for three decades and have heard every conceivable story you can imagine on the topic.

They have devoted their professional lives to helping people enjoy sexuality to the fullest. They understand the mechanics of what makes sex good and why it sometimes goes painfully wrong.

With the updated release of our book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Start just coming out, we asked the Penners what newlyweds should know about getting their sex life off to a great start and they made two suggestions:

First, you’ve got to realize that your spouse may not be interested in sex whenever you are. Sexual desire is not “contagious.” If you are in the mood you can’t expect that, by default, your spouse will be too.

Think of your sex drive as an appetite. “Just as each of you will differ in your appetite for food,” says Joyce Penner, “you will likely experience differences in your sexual appetites.”

The point is that you will have to learn to coordinate your sexual desires without “overfeeding” one of you.

The second suggestion was to keep in mind is that sex between a husband and wife need not be spontaneous. The movies make it seem like sex is always an exhilarating moment of passion that happens naturally, without planning. Any idea how much scripting and setup goes into making it seem that way?

In reality, married couples don’t necessarily wait for some mysterious erotic energy to grab them. As the Penners say, “Some of the most satisfying sexual encounters between you and your spouse will often be the ones you plan and talk about.”

In fact, the more you talk about your sex life, the more likely it is to be fulfilling.

Reflect and Respond

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about sex with your spouse? What could make it easier or better for you?

Go ahead, tell us in the comments.

Related Resource

product pictureCrazy Good Sex
Your sexual drive can incinerate your wedding vows or or ignite a flame of passion within your marriage that brings mind-blowing pleasure to both of you!

In this book, we take a deeper look at six myths that can undermine your confidence, damage your marriage, and leave you struggling with temptation. You will walk away with a whole new dimension of sexual pleasure. After all, great married sex is not only possible, it’s the way God meant it to be.
Buy Now