We know a couple who celebrated their first anniversary with a romantic candlelit dinner at home. Near the end of the main course, the wife slipped away only to emerge from the kitchen with the perfect dessert for the finishing touch: the top of their wedding cake. With the first cut into the cake, both knew something was wrong. The cake squeaked. With a little more cutting, they discovered the problem. For an entire year, they had saved a round chunk of frosting-covered Styrofoam in their freezer.
Looks can be deceiving. As this silly but true story illustrates, we can focus so much on the externals of a relationship that we neglect to see what we are actually preserving in our marriage. Which brings up a serious subject: Deep down, what do you believe is the core purpose of your marriage? To be happy? We trust you’ve learned by now that marriage was never designed to act as insurance against sadness. Good marriages, and even great ones, are by no means protected from bad things. So we ask again. What is the central purpose of your marriage?
We have thought long and hard about this question, and here is our answer: The purpose of our marriage is to draw us closer to God. We used to think that God would help us draw closer to each other, that he would help us build a better marriage. And he does. But our emphasis in recent years has focused more on how our marriage helps us build a better relationship with God. This turnabout in thinking has revolutionized our relationship. Instead of asking God to help our marriage, we are more apt to ask each other how we can help the other walk closer to God. Marriage, in other words, is becoming an important means to our Creator. The challenges we face, the joys we celebrate—more than most anything—are bringing us into an intimate relationship with God.
Related Resources
Today more than ever, people long for connection. This book provides an honest and timely guide to forming the rich relationships that are life’s greatest treasure. Heading below the surface to the depths of human interactions, you will learn how to make bad relationships better and good relationships great. Here are the tools you need to handle tough times and to really succeed at forging strong, rewarding relationships with friends, with the opposite sex, with family, and with God.
To order your copy, click here.
Dearest Leslie & Les,
I am encouraged by you time and time again, and so very grateful for your generous friendship over the years, which helped shape my future! I’ve only read two of your Couple-to-Couple devotiionals, but have been fed by your continued experience and growth in Christ!
We’ve just begun a study of an old book, Learning To Be A Family, by Ken Smith. My husband, James is leading us through it in the adult Sabbath School Class. Ken also has a Sermon Audio piece, called Brushing Up On Family Worship. Check them out if you like!
We have’t been in touch like I would have liked – now have four children, and find life and marriage quite challenging. Thank you for continuing to spur us on in the desire and need to strengthen our relationships, especially with The Lord!
Love to you,
~Margaret
Margaret: So great to hear from you. Thanks for the little update. And thanks for your encouraging words. That little micro preemie named John that you were so vital to is now 15 and taking driver’s education. Can you believe it. We’ll never be able to thank you enough.
We have found that a daily time of prayer together is absolutely key to drawing each other closer to Him .This may seem so basic that it seems needless to say but it wasn’t until well along in our 30 years of marriage that we found what a difference it makes.
Rob, that is fantastic. Thanks so much for sharing this. So glad to hear it.
My husband of 43 years and I love to ride the bicycle trails of our state (Ohio). When we are outside on our bikes, we ride side by side, talking and occasionally stopping to admire flowers along the path. It is a gift to us, that we can praise the Lord, feel loved as the sun kisses our faces, and release all our worries along the path. We hear the birds, see the butterflies, listen to the squirrels, and notice that our awareness of God is heightened as we pedal and share the blessing together. It paves the way for our hearts to be open to God and to share our discoveries with one another.
Love that, Jane. We have a similar experience in Seattle whenever we walk around Green Lake. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Les & Leslie for the reminder that marriage is not all about us! We can forget that easily in our narcissistic culture. The world needs to see the intimacy that we can have with the Lord. This email was well timed since Mark asked me to marry him 25 years ago! We celebrated it yesterday with lunch and a hike, but I have to say that my deepest joy is that we are in a Bible study together for the first time in years. We retired and now have time to dig in together and the Lord brought the opportunity at just the right time so we are getting closer to God and to each other! :D.
Congratulations on 25 years! How fantastic. Wishing you the very best.
One thing that we do is make time to communicate
in the evening. We often sit in the hot tub and talk
about the day, our concerns, hopes and dreams. We then
send prayers to heaven as we soak not only in the tub but
In His presence and His love.
Wow! What a cool daily ritual the two of you enjoy with each other – and God. I think we need to get a hot tub!
When I prayed about the purpose of our marriage years ago, God gave me a vivid image in a dream. In the dream I was floating away into the sky. My husband was holding onto my ankle, preventing me from flying away. His feet were just above the ground, but he still was able to keep us grounded, since he didn’t fly away with me. What I took this too mean was with me being the ethereal, more spiritual and unrealistic one, my husband grounded me while at the same time I caused him to think beyond this world and reach more to heaven. In the years since then, I can see this has been true. I have become less sensitive and more productive in my life and he has grown more spiritual, humble and prayerful. However, it is our struggles with each other’s quirks and personality differences that can drive us to the foot of the cross. Sometimes when each is acting unlovable, we can only go to God and ask Him for the grace and love that we ourselves do not have. This brings us closer to God and therefore closer to each other.
Wonderful words, Inga, and very insightful! Thank you for sharing!
I pray God would bring us closer together and closer to Him. I desire to pray together with my husband but he leaves early in the morning for work. 5:00 am. An comes home around 5:30 pm. We have two small children so it just doesn’t happen. But I believe it will come!
We are doing something that we learned going to one of you all gave. We have a standing date for lunch each week that we spend working on our relationship. We do book studies or discuss devotionals we have read, to talking about schedules or the kids or to do lists allowed. Similar to your answer to what is the purpose of marriage, I think we not only to draw us closer to God, but also to help make us the person that God intends us to be. My wife is a mirror for me and a voice in my life encouraging me to be better, do better, love better… She is the part of me that was missing before God brought us to each other so that we could both become the people he has shaped us to be. Without her, without marriage I would not be the person I have become…
Thanks, Les & Leslie. A real eye-opener. If my marriage isn’t drawing me and my wife closer to God, we are really missing the mark. Thanks for sharing that revelation.
Please pray for us
Thanks for your honesty, Adrian. Our team will be praying for God to draw you two together this week.
do you have a book that has a daily devotion for couples
Yep, Love Talk Devotional for Couples. You can find it here: http://store.lesandleslie.com/products/one-year-love-talk-devotional
You folks are such an encouragement to couples. I have read some of your books. Last year we saw a need for a growth group for couples to improve our marriages. We have been married for over 32 years and we are continually learning to be the spouse God intends us to me.
We make the time almost every day to start with a devotional and prayer time and then go on our day with a reminder that the Lord is right there with us. We are both retired now and still see the importance of making time for the important things in life.
We go away every year to a couples conference close by our home. It’s a refreshing time for us and from the Lord.
A good marriage just doesn’t happen. We always have to be working at it. Totally depending on the Holy Spirit to guide us and provide for us. Especially during those times when we can easily find ourselves in a crazy cycle. Another great book to read is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerrich. It has changed many couples lives.
Thank you for serving in this way. Blessings on you and your family,
What wonderful words, Rose! I especially love your comment about how ‘good marriages don’t just happen’. You are so right! So thankful for your wisdom and desire to seek out the Lord.
We enjoy sharing our day with each other and we especially like our pillow talk at the end of the night. My husband and I have learned to listen attentively and respond lovingly to each other. We’re still a work in progress, but we know God is using us to be a shining light for other couples as well as for each other.
God bless you and your family Drs. Les and Lesie! 🙂
I am just starting to get to know somebody. I have been a christian for 3 years, I’m 32 years old. She is 27, also a christian, also for almost 3 years. We both serve in the youth ministry. I must say that your book “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts” has TOTALLY changed my perspective on marriage. I was sooo distorted regarding this subject, but now I have a positive, realistic expectancy of marriage.
We are getting to know each other, we are very much in love and have decided to work towards getting married.
I would just like to say that I’m glad God has set ministries like yours to bless His people. It is an invaluable blessing to have your insight and knowledge available to a young couple like us. God bless you in all areas of your lives. Blessings blessings blessings!!! 🙂
Thank you, Eric! We’re so glad God has blessed you through this study! Prayers for God’s blessings on your relationship!
I have one word PRAYER! together
Yes! Great thought, Michele.