Are You A Control Freak?

Isn’t a little controlling behavior healthy? Sure. Recent research indicates that feeling in control is vital to mental and physical health, as well as happiness at home and satisfaction at work. In fact, feeling to some degree that you are master of your own fate is one of the key traits of happy people, according to David Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. What’s more, psychologist Judith Rodin has demonstrated in experiments at Yale University how merely feeling in control can alter the functioning of a person’s immune system.

Being in control, however, can be too much of a good thing. It certainly was in my case. I’m the first to admit that I can be controlling. In fact, the people who know me best will admit it for me. When I first told Leslie I was going to write a book called The Control Freak she joked about it being my autobiography.

Some of the best advice I ever received on my road to recovery from being a control freak was from my father. As a retired college president with many years of knowing what it’s like to be in charge as well as to have fun, my dad sat me down as an adult child and asked me a question: “Why are you driving so hard, son?”

My knee-jerk response was a joke: “To keep up with you, Dad.”

He thought I was serious. We talked about the psychological pressure that is transmitted, intentionally or not, from one generation to the next. We talked about the drive to produce and our mutual compulsions for control. Then my dad told me his secret for keeping life under control without being a control freak. “Count your blessings,” he said. “Don’t let a day slip away without taking time to appreciate God’s gifts.”

It’s great advice – and so biblical. In fact, it’s difficult to exaggerate the theme of gratitude in the Bible. The words “praise” and “thanks” or “thanksgiving” are used hundreds of times throughout Scripture. On almost every page of the Bible we see this theme. The Old Testament reverberates with the sound of people praising God. Israel’s history is full of thanksgiving to God for showing them mercy and delivering them from disaster.

The New Testament is no less full of thanksgiving. Jesus himself offers up thanks to God the Father (Matthew 26:26-27). Paul not only regularly gives thanks, he actually commands it of others: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “give thanks to God no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.”

So if you’re feeling like you might be a little overly controlling on occasion, or you confess to being a flat-out control freak, a little gratitude may be just what the doctor ordered.

The Control Freak

Are you ready to cope better with the control freaks around you and tame the one within? The Control Freak will help you recognize the top ten qualities of control freaks, cope with a coercive colleague or a supervising spouse, relinquish unhealthy control, and repair relationships damaged by over-control. The book includes self-tests and a lifelong prescription for healthier relationships.

To order your copy, click here.