Normally when I give Les a greeting card of any kind – for his birthday, our anniversary, or whatever – I can almost see him thinking:
I wonder how long I need to keep this card on my desk?
He’s a bit of neat freak.
But last Valentine’s Day I gave Les a card that he STILL has, a year later, front and center. He sees it almost every day. And it’s super simple: a red typewriter and a page sticking out that says “you’re just my type.” Inside I wrote a few words and signed off with: “I’m your paper-mate. XOXO” Silly. If not sappy, I know.
I’ve given him dozens of more meaningful cards. And I’ve given plenty that garnered big laughs. So I had to ask him why this particular card? Why did he keep it all year?
“Oh, that,” he said, “I really like the font right here.”
Immediately recognizing his romantic blunder, he quickly added: “And your sweet message inside.”
There was a momentary stillness between us as we maintained eye contact … and then we both busted out laughing.
I’ll admit it. February 14 isn’t always filled with a lot of looove and kisses for us. Any romantic moments typically have to come between a few media interviews and a speaking engagement. It’s a popular day for people in our line of work.
But we know we’re not the only ones who struggle with Cupid each year on this day. In fact, we hear plenty of grumbling from men and women.
Why? Because they know it can all lead to letdown. After all, Cupid’s favorite holiday often involves two lethal ingredients:
- Heightened expectations
- A potential gap between those expectations and reality
We’ve seen it countless times. Couples come to discord because of a mismatch between what one expected in the way of romance and what the other intended as a romantic gesture. Making dinner reservations but neglecting to get a sitter for the kids, for example, is a rooky mistake for some relatively new dads. Enter disappointment.
So how can you “seize the day” this year? We suggest a chat before V-Day that conveys these three things:
- That you care for each other and want to make the day special for both of you.
- Confess to being a terrible mind reader and ask each other what the other would enjoy most. Just because you like Olive Garden doesn’t mean it’s romantic for your partner.
- And most importantly, agree in advance to not buy the lie that says Valentines Day represents whether or not your love for each other measures up to the fairytales, films or billboards depicting an impossible standard of romance. In short, don’t let Cupid sabotage your love.
As for the two of us and our Valentine’s Day? We’ll be doing media interviews, speaking at a church in Louisville, Kentucky, and then catching a red-eye back to Seattle. But be assured, we’ll squeeze in some romantic connection, too. Most likely a dinner date at our favorite Italian place while passing through O’Hare. Oh. And we’ll exchange cards. I’ve got one with a perfect font.
Love Talk Starters for Valentine’s Day FREE
Forward this devotion and get the guide free!
Forward this devotion to a friend and get our Love Talk Starters for Valentines Day guide free. It’ll help you spark a great conversation with your sweetheart and have a couple laughs, too. We’ll email it to you as soon as you forward the devotion. It’s easy, just use this form.
I am dreading it so completely….sad after 22 years of marriage
I truly don’t know what to do. I want that connection with him but we are
On 2 different pages….in different books.
Robin: So sorry. We are praying for you and your marriage.
I don’t dream of it or dread it actually… We will most likely exchange cards and maybe try to have a lunch together or dinner without the kids, but it isn’t that special of a day for either of us. I am more happy that she shows me she loves me the other 364 days of the year and I try to make sure I do the same. I think V-Day was a bigger holiday when we were dating because it was a day to make each other feel special. Now in our 22nd year of very happy marriage we realize that you can’t wrap your love up or measure it all in one day. As you say the expectations of trying to condense down a year worth of love is just unrealistic. We find it is much more healthy and beneficial for our marriage to spread that love out all year and make every day special rather than just one day a year.
Andy: Right on, brother. We are with you. Thanks for sharing.
For us I think we don’t know what to do. My husband works and then comes home tired and then to get ready to go out just isn’t doing it for us. I am usually tired and would rather skip this day all together. We probably will exchange cards because it is V-day. Sounds lame I know but after 35 years and now we are at a time of counselling in our marriage this day doesn’t mean a whole lot right now. Maybe next year.
Sherry: thanks for your note. We understand. Every marriage has it’s seasons.
My husband and I promised each other early in our relationship that we would resist this holiday as we viewed it as another consumerist plot. But with each passing year it seems that the constant bombardment of red and hearts has gotten to us, or maybe just me 🙂 Our compromise– we don’t buy into the “Valentine’s Day” per se, but rather make sure to go out somewhere special that week just to not feel like total outcasts. We try do something extra special for ourselves once a month, so we just make sure that in February we do it during the second week 🙂 . Generally we avoid restaurants on that day because of the crowds, and if we’re really craving heart-shaped candy, the deals we find on February 15th are super awesome! 😀
Linda: We certainly understand. It’s tough when seemingly everyone else is talking about their Valentine celebration the next day. Thanks for you input.
We decided early on in our 14 year marriage not to do the “Hallmark” holidays, but instead work on making every day Valentine’s day. Marriage is hard work, but the paydays are worth it. When the stores begin putting out Valentine’s decorations and candy on January 1, it is just a reminder to us to say or do something loving to each other, giving us six weeks of Valentines.
Steve: Good call!
After 30+ years and many hits & misses, I find myself not expecting much in the way of Valentine’s Day. One year I specifically asked for something (nothing difficult just a little creativity) and got absolutely nothing! At first I was upset, but then I realized he just doesn’t see special days the way I do. So now, if I want to do something special I just plan it & we do it! Otherwise, it’s just another day!
J: Way to flex with his personality. If the two of you explore how holidays like this were handled in your respective home growing up I’m guessing it would be telling. Our best.
My husband and I, married 30 years, just go with the flow. On Valentines Day we usually get each other a card and he gets me my favorite candy but if we forget, it’s alright. We care more about the way we treat each other every day.
Jeanette. Love it!
I personally never celebrated valentines day even prior to meeting my husband 14 yrs ago. I guess I always hated the sappy-ness attached to the holiday. So when I met my husband, I told him upfront no Valentines day for me… Roses and chocolates on a random day is more romantic than v-day(& cheaper since I’m frugal). So we never really celebrated it. Less expectations, less disappointments and less stress.
He gives me my just-because flowers every now and then. I give random gifts and send him random cards at work and we both loved it!
Clarissa: Thanks for sharing this. Wonderful approach and it’s obviously working! Our best to you.
Oh, I am so happy we are past the outlandish expectations. I gave my husband a card that said “Will you be my valentine? If you say no now, it’s going to be really awkward.” It is still sitting on his desk and he keeps saying to me, “It’s so perfect for us!” We are in our 70’s and I love him sooooo much-even more than on our wedding day. Young couples, you just wait. It gets better and better.
Laura: This is fantastic. We laughed out loud about your card. Research shows the second half of marriage for loving couples is off the charts! You’re living proof of that!
I don’t necessarily dream about or dread Valentines Day because my husband & I do romantic things all year long. This is actually the day we keep it pretty simple. This year we went out for pizza.
He sends me flowers once a month, so on Valentines I’m not expecting a whole lot because it’s a normal occurrence for him to be romantic!
Zina: Good for you! And good for your husband on flowers once a month. Impressive! And lovely.