To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry.
Proverbs 25:12
Walt Disney. He was bankrupt when he went around Hollywood with his little “Steamboat Willie” cartoon idea.
Can you imagine Disney trying to sell a talking mouse with a falsetto voice in the days of silent movies?
Disney’s dreams were big, and he had plenty of critics. People closest to him, however, believe Disney thrived on criticism. He was said to have asked ten people what they thought of a new idea, and if they were unanimous in their rejection of it, he would begin work on it immediately.
A single critical comment, for many, however, is enough to shut down all sources of creativity.
Few among us actually thrive on it like Walt did. But on the other end of the continuum are those whose sensitivity to criticism creates a social stalemate. They stymie all progress for fear of someone saying something critical.
Sir Isaac Newton is said to have been so sensitive to criticism that he withheld the publication of a paper on optics for fifteen years, until his main critic died.
Now that’s a serious case of wanting to avoid criticism!
We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public. –Walt Disney
But truth be told, nobody can ever truly avoid it. Criticism comes with the territory of being human, not to mention, marriage.
No matter how hard you work, how great your ideas, or how wonderful your talent, you will be the object of criticism. Even the perfect motives of Jesus were often misunderstood, resulting in malicious criticism.
Of course, no critic cuts deeper than our spouse.
When we are criticized on the home front we feel it to the core.
Why?
Because we expect our home to be safe and free from verbal critique. That’s why the next time you are on the receiving end of constructive criticism from your spouse, especially if it’s given in a loving spirit, you may want to press the mental “pause button” before you automatically put up your defenses.
Take a breath. Wait a couple of beats.
Then try to see where your partner is coming from. The more they feel heard and understood by you, the softer their critiques are likely to become.
Reflect and Respond
When it comes to critique, do you thrive on or abhor it? What can you do to handle it better?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
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i admit I am very sensitive to my spouse’s criticism especially since his communication style incorporates sarcasm. He also uses expletives, but not only with me. And I am a literal person especially since I’m an editor by trade. I try to lighten up by giving a humorous response but I feel I’m not addressing my hurt reaction and so the comment is received as though iM accepting “unwarranted” criticism and am not responding assertively — speaking truth in love, or stating my boundaries — therefore not being sincere with my response and because I am not responding, the criticism behaviour is encouraged, or being reinforced since it is not responded to with an honest response such as ” I feel criticized by that specific comment you made”. ….look forward to responses to my comments. Oh, an example is ” aren’t we a princess, I’ve told hundred of times, you cook, you clean. You always ignore this request. Your cleaning standard has to set an example to your daughter, I know my cleaning standards are high, so you need to try to respect/honour them”.
critique & criticism are very different words. Critique – to give an objective evaluation with suggestions for improvement. criticism tares down with no suggestion for improvement. I was raised by a critical mother & detached father consequently I don’t take constructive suggestions well and tend to be critical.
Be critical!
We are well advised by Paul “to put ourselves to the test and judge ourselves to find out whether we are living in faith” with personal knowledge of Jesus Christ revealed at his litmus test unless we have completely failed. (2 Cor. 13:5)
At Jesus Christ’s DEFINING MOMENT, no one but Jesus is left in the doctrine of trinity: with God “the Father”, i.e., the 1st Person proving to be “a figure of speech” (John 16: 25-26) and the Holy Spirit, i.e., the 3rd Person identified with the post-incarnate Christ, a.k.a., “blood and water”, viz.: God’s life-giving Spirit (Ibid. 6: 62-64 ;19: 34-37).
That is why Jesus said the work of the Holy Spirit is to prove to the people of the world that they are wrong about sin … because they do not believe in me.” (Ibid. 16: 8-9)
In my experience, Christians are serious cases of wanting to avoid criticism!
God’s conviction helps us understand where we’re falling short with the intention of bringing us to repentance, satin condems criticizes throws our failures in our face “the accuser of the brethren” it’s not usually what’s been said but how it’s said (a harsh answer doesn’t turn away wrath) we’re called to restore in a manner of meakness
the only people Jesus was critical with were the religious leaders since we’re all sinners saved by His grace we have no right to be critical if your spouse hurts you with unkind words let them know it hurts without hurting words. if a person sins against you go to him/her if they hear you great if not bring 2 or 3 that every word may be established if not bring the person to church leaders if not treat the person as an unbeliever. so how did Jesus treat unbelievers.
I think a lot of how I respond to criticism depends on the way the criticism is presented. In the past I also noted that the one person who was the most aggressive with their criticism was the least capable of listening and receiving criticism no matter how gently it was presented. Proverbs 25:12 makes a good point. I think it is good to also to keep in mind Matthew 7:3-5 when tempted to criticize and carefully choose what and how to address the issues at hand after you address your own issues. 3“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? 5“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.