Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
We’re busy. Crazy busy. At least that’s what we’ve been telling ourselves – for a long time. We’ve got deadlines to meet, classes to teach, meetings to attend, emails to exchange, articles to write, seminars to give … oh, and then there’s kids to raise, a house to keep up, friendships to maintain, and, well, our marriage.
It’s become our default response when asked how we’re doing: “Busy!”
And we’re not the only ones. Almost every couple we talk to is quick to say how busy they are. We recently tried to get three other couples together for some fun and after several rounds of emailing schedules back and forth we all eventually gave up. Too busy.
Being busy gives us license to arrive late, slip out early or be absent altogether. And in a relationship like marriage, busyness can keep us from connecting at an intimate and vulnerable level.
Busyness can keep us from having a conversation that’s overdue. It can prevent us from confronting an issue like mounting financial debt or the lack of passion you feel in the bedroom. Busyness can keep us from dreaming and planning together.
“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another – and ourselves.”
-Jack Kornfield
So what can couples do to wrestle busyness to the ground? Here’s what we’re doing: We’re no longer using “busy” as a boast disguised as a complaint. Ever done that? Here’s how it works:
“How have you been?”
“Busy!”
“That’s a good problem to have.”
Boom! We get complimented for having a life that’s jam-packed because of a to-do list that’s off the rails. But being busy is not a “good problem to have.” So we’re no longer seeking this kind of congratulations. Instead, we’re shoring up obligations that keep us in a frenetic hustle.
Most of all, we’re choosing to remember that the best investment of our limited time on earth is spending it with each other and the people we love – in addition to following the path God calls us to travel. So we’re taking our foot off the gas a bit more, remembering that life is too short to be busy.
Feel like joining us? If so, why not pray this simple prayer today – and several times throughout the day: Lord, Slow me down, keep me present. Help me connect more deeply to you and my family today. Amen.
Reflect and Respond
What are you doing to effectively manage your busyness together?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Your Time-Starved Marriage gives you tools to feed your time-starved relationship, maximizing the moments you have together and enjoying them more than you ever imagined.
I’m with you. It is one thing to spend time on meeting each other’s emotional needs, its another thing to find the time. I believe it is the No. 1 reason that couples settle for non-intimacy.
We agree, Paul. Busyness is a relentless monster in marriage.
For me, I have been challenged to evaluate all of the different leadership rolls that I am part of. It was a little eye opening. Then I was challenged to drop one. That brought up some interesting emotions that showed me that I was relying on the position for self-worth. Letting go of that one leadership position, and the additional 3 committees that were attached to it, gave me an opportunity to learn how to reevaluate my relationship with Jesus and my spouse. Jesus wanted my heart, not my performance. Being intimate and vulnerable with my husband required time. The kind of time that was not crowed in with thoughts about other responsibilities and problems. I am learning how to be known for who I am, and not for what I can do for others.
Wow! What a great self-insight, Sheryl. Thanks for sharing this.
I have tried unsuccessfully to copy and paste your devotions. Is there something I’m missing? Maybe you don’t want them copied?
Hmm. That’s strange, Larry. We’d love to have you share our Devotions. We have a share button (for email, Facebook, etc.). Is that what’s not seeming to work for you?
This hit home for me. The badge of busyness has been one I have been proud of at the expense of caring from my soul and having deep relationships. My wife and I recently were reminded of a quote by Dallas Willard that encourages us to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry.” Reflecting on Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of Matthew 11:30 has breathed life into my wife and I “Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Thank you so much for this reminder. I am sharing it with other married couples in our church.
Love that quote from Dallas Willard, Rick. Thanks!
Thanks Les and Leslie! This is an excellent post. We find this all the time in our experience mentoring couples. We have been practicing a Sabbath rest for over a year now. We receive the truth that God delights in us and we spend time in His delight; delighting/treasuring one another…experiencing the things that we bring us peace and joy. The reality is, we have to guard this time ruthlessly because it is so counter cultural…but is it with Way of Jesus. It is the Way to healthy relationships.
Sure appreciate your encouragement, Vic. And love your Sabbath comment. Fantastic!
Man’s goings are of the Lord, how then can a man understand his own way? (Prov 20:24) What? No you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN? (1 Corinthians 6:19)
Relax folks. What these words are saying is that God is just having his way in your life. And, you want God to have his way in your life, don’t you? If you find sin in your life, of course, repent of it. But, sometimes busyness is just the cost of the cross. Be at peace with yourselves when that is the case.
Preach!
Amen! We must re-learn how to keep important things first. The ones we care for and love. Other things must take 2nd place. We must take time to enjoy the roses. Less stress is best! Not being so busy.
Amen and amen, Spencer.
We are empty nesters but still we find we need to be intentional about connecting with each other on a daily basis. We usually get a coffee, sit by the ocean(we’re 15 minutes away) and just talk and unwind. At night before bed, the electronics go off and we watch tv in bed together!!!
Sounds like a nice routine, Michelle. Love it.