You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8
“Don’t cry!”
“It’s okay to cry,” Leslie whimpered.
We were having lunch at a favorite restaurant, talking about how work was crowding in on our social calendar as well as our marriage, when out of nowhere, or so it seemed, Leslie’s eyes flooded with tears. Only moments before they were sparkling.
“I know it’s okay to cry,” I confessed, “but can’t you wait until we get in the car?”
My simple request only exacerbated the emotion I was trying to stifle. Leslie dabbed her eyes with a napkin, trying to retain her mascara, but the floodgates soon opened and the tears flowed like a stream.
I can’t tell you how many times we have lived through similar scenes and neither of us could tell you what the issues were, but we can assure you that tears are a part of every marriage relationship.
And it’s a good thing.
Research on crying has shown when a person cries they are actually washing away harmful effects of stress.
And maybe you’ve heard that God keeps a record of your tears? The Psalmist says they are listed on a scroll (see Psalm 56:8). Our tears reveal the depth of our pain and God cares when we suffer even if we can’t speak of it or confess it in prayer.
“Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.”
-Eileen Mayhew
Let me be honest. I’m not totally comfortable with tears. When Leslie cries I still cringe. But I have learned that tears, hers and mine, are essential to a growing marriage.
Not long ago, while driving in the car, Leslie was reading an article aloud about a child who gave up one of his kidneys for his younger brother. Maybe it was the strain and stress of the day compounding the fact that we were deeply moved by this courageous boy — we didn’t really know or care. All we knew is that we were in the middle of a conversation that required no words, only tears.
We both broke down.
Right there on the freeway we sobbed together for untold miles. Moments earlier we were trying to decide where to eat dinner. But a picture of an innocent child giving of himself so generously called both of us to reexamine our selfish side. We didn’t talk much about our feelings. For the time being, our tears said enough. And they spoke more eloquently than any dialogue.
Reflect and Respond
What makes you cry and why? Are you comfortable with tears?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
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I am ok if someone cries but I do not cry in front of anyone, not even my husband. Am afraid to crumble and be vulnerable.
I try to act strong all the time, am not sure why. I do cry alone and know my heavenly father hears and comforts me.
Comfortable with tears yes mine & others
I guess because it allows me to think of someone other than myself & the opportunity to giv comfort & support to someone else. Things that make me cry nasty, mean people, my family when I was a child, touching old movies. Ironically I don’t cry at funerals.
My husband didn’t want me to cry early in our marriage because he saw it as manipulation. It was very hurtful for a long time. He tells me to go ahead and cry now but I still do not feel the emotional security from him so I usually don’t. Basically I feel 90% of my emotions are not expressed with him.
Praying that you have someone who you can be vulnerable with and feel safe.
Bring it to Jesus, who knows your heart and loves you so much!
Tears are God’s healing to our inner self. When I was in church for over 3years at no reason the tears just rolled down my face, I prayed and prayed and yes God did answer and I was able to understand that the horrible pain of a family situation was being healed and that sweet peace was being strengthened. Tears are indeed very important andI can really identify with you, Blessings, Sandy Cumberworth
I shed tears pretty easily. I am comfortable with them, and with others crying. Sometimes it is the only thing that will help let out the emotions. My husband of 17 months is not sure what to do when I cry and feels badly that I am upset. I am teaching him that I just need him to put his arms around me and let me cry.
Like Sarah, I have restricted my tears in the past, as my mentally abusive ex-husband accused me of “trying to get out of” something or trying to get him to stop yelling and feel sorry for me. Dear Sister- I pray that you can share your true self with someone. Our Abba, if not your husband. I am sorry that he made you feel unsafe to be real.
What makes me cry? A good movie, seeing my husband hug and kiss my stepson- so tender for such a big, strong man; injustice in the world, the effects of sin in people’s hearts, a rainbow, the presence of the Holy Spirit, pure harmonies in a praise song. Surprisingly, anger brings tears at times.
As a result of experiencing a lot grief due to the death of loved ones, I have learned to be comfortable with tears. I realize it allows one to let the pain out. I volunteer as a grief counselor and use 2 Cor. 1:3-4 as my theme verse. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
I used to cry easily; my heart has hardened and I am looking for ways to feel safe and vulnerable with a spouse who chose infidelity over courage. Pregnant with my 2nd child at the time, the affect was devastating and I squelched the hurt for 30 years. Now after losing mom, dad, special aunties, etc., I find the hurt surfacing and the results fresh. It’s amazing how we can push our feelings aside to appear that everything is ok. But, trust me, our children knew all along we were faking it and as young adults they will tell me just that. At age 60 I find going back into all those memories exhausting but I’m told necessary to resolve the hurt. We are working towards some kind of marriage to grow old with, but most days I just want to walk out the door and start over. I wish I could cry more.
We have “crying time” once about every 4 – 6 wks. Lots of words on her part expressing a fear or frustration in her life all bathed in tears. I know now not to try to talk her out of it but as a young husband, I felt like a failure. My goal in life was to have a wife who was happy. I interpreted that as being happy with me. That was basically a selfish thing because men gravitate toward success and distance things that feel like failure. We are 67 now, 43 years married to one woman. I see the tears now as healthy and I’m filling my successful role of being the comforting one who is always the safe place to cry. I still don’t understand the tears. They seem to take a lot of time that could be spent fixing the problem. A male thing. The best route in the long run is to listen.
What makes me cry? I dont feel comfortable crying in front of my husband when we are having marital problems, because I feel like he does not care that he hurt me in that way. I also cry when I’m angry.I feel comfortable crying when I hear a good old fashioned gospel song and the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I am comfortable with mine and others tears. There was a time when I would not / could not cry. While going through a extremely hurtful divorce I remember praying that I could cry again. For I knew this was going to be the only way that I was going to get through this time. I can and do cry now I also feel that it is very helpful to clear my head allow for selfless behavior and for God to work in growing me closer to him.