Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.” Suddenly the pressure was gone — my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared.
Psalm 32:5
When I (Les) was working on my doctoral dissertation I was immersed in heady studies on guilt and remorse.
I spent countless hours in the library researching the subject. And the research librarian who was assisting me not only knew the library inside and out, she came to know me and my research topic well.
Most days, when I came into the library and headed for my usual study, Carol, the librarian, would stop by with a few more articles or research leads for me. On one occasion, however, she dropped off a paper with an inscription saying, “Thought this was funny.”
The page contained this little story: A shoplifter writes to a department store and says, “I’ve just become a Christian, and I can’t sleep at night because I feel guilty. So here’s $100 that I owe you.” The “former” shoplifter signed his name, and in a little postscript at the bottom added, “If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send you the rest.”
Few things prohibit a good night’s sleep more than a nagging conscience. Who among us hasn’t tossed and turned into the wee hours because of remorse about saying an unkind word or behaving in a more selfish than usual fashion?
“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”
-Charlotte Bronte
Guilt has robbed countless couples of a good night’s rest. But it doesn’t have to. There is a simple remedy to this late night torment and it involves making a clean start.
Tonight, as you are getting tucked in, consider anything that might be nagging your conscience.
Maybe it was the way you brushed off your spouse’s request for a favor earlier in the week. Maybe you barked an order when you were under pressure. Perhaps it was a critical attitude or a snide remark you regret saying.
Most of us have little difficulty recalling something we later regretted having said or done. Whatever might be tugging at your conscience, why don’t the two of you go to bed tonight with clean sheets, with a fresh start?
How? Saying a simple “I’m sorry” may be the ticket. A good old-fashioned apology may be just what the doctor ordered for allaying anything that’s pestering your principles.
A clean confession accompanied by heart-felt sorrow can give both of you the best night’s sleep you’ve had in months.
Reflect and Respond
When was the last time you uttered the phrase “I’m sorry” to your spouse?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Shoulda Coulda Woulda Audio CD
“If only…” “I should have…” “What if…” Don’t punish yourself with regret. It only poisons your daily life and robs you of the peace you long for. Find out how to look at your past in a way that brings healing and growth – not regret, guilt, or shame. You can pack away your if-onlys, give perfectionism the boot, and rejoice in who and where you are today.
I try to say I am sorry but my spouse dose not like apologies. He wants actions.
Meaningful apologies come from the heart not the mind otherwise they’re just words. ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t a get out of jail free card don’t abuse it. I don’t always succeed but I try to step back & think before I talk. Finally teasing can be yet another way of hurting someone I’ve been on the receiving & giving end.
Jan: Then show him maybe he’s gotten so many apologies in his life that they’ve become meaningless words. invest in “Love Talk” get the work books & take the test that & the 5 Love Languages book give incredible insight into both you & your spouse how you give & receive love & how you deal with situations. Every time we make a major purchase or decision like buying our house my husband asked me to show him on paper that we could afford it. This comes from having been financially strapped for cash multiple times he’s afraid of getting in over his head. if I can ease his fears it’s no big deal to do a budget & give him a presentation
One of the problems of being human is that, eventually, we are offended by other or we offend someone one else. Forgiveness is the WD40 on the hot skids of life.( So is laughter.) We can’t give someone else something we don’t already own. I can’t give you a BMW motorcycle if I don’t own one. Unfortunately, this applies to forgiveness as well. If your mate hasn’t really experienced forgiveness, they can’t extend and give it to you, even when you apologize for a offense of some sort.
If your apology is rebuffed or further demands for emotional compensation for your offense are made, you might explore how well or deeply they have accepted Christ’s forgiveness themselves. This isn’t often easy, but until they have it, they can’t give it.
What disturbs my sleep more than guilt about something I’ve done wrong is when my spouse says something hurtful or critical just as I’m getting into bed. Expressing my hurt right away is usually met with either a rebuff (oh brother, you’re too sensitive, chill out) or snoring… I try to forgive without the apology that will never come, and fall asleep praying for God to help me let it go. Sometimes this works, and sometimes I toss and turn with disturbing dreams where my spouse continues the verbal assaults. Then I wake up in the morning feeling like another brick in the wall between us has been added as we rush to get off to work and the issue is swept under the rug. I don’t know how to fix this.