In the aftermath of the horrific Twin Towers tragedy that struck our nation on September 11, 2001, we were amazed by some of the notes and letters we received from couples around the country. They wrote to tell us how this act of terrorism impacted their marriages. More specifically, they told us how hearing some of the conversations between couples—when they knew they would never speak again—moved them.
“When I heard the cell phone calls made by loved ones soon before their deaths,” wrote one man. “I thought about what I would say to my wife if I were to call her in the seconds before I die. I recognized that I could not possibly tell her all the beauty that she had brought to my life, and what an incredible person she is to me—not in those few moments, not on short notice.” He went on to tell us that he took the time to tell his wife what mattered most to him, on his own schedule, “not on death’s timetable.”
Sharing our true feelings is an opportunity we all have. As you consider the anniversary of this horrific tragedy, we urge you to tell your spouse all he or she means to you, too. Take some time to inventory what really matters most to both of you in your relationship. What are the things you prize about what you have built together? Maybe it’s the way you lift one another up in tough times. Maybe it’s your shared sense of humor. Perhaps one of the things you value most in your marriage is how you bring one another closer to God. And what do you prize about your partner? Maybe you love the way your spouse hones your personal vision and gives you confidence. Whatever it is, make a list of what matters most.
In fact, if you want to get practical, take a moment right now to let each other know what you would say on a cell phone recording to each other if you feared the worst. And then celebrate the fact that you can verbalize to each other what you cherish in your marriage—on your own schedule.
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I helped respond a couple days after the twin towers, part of a boat-based effort (since the power was out) to feed the rescue workers hot food. After working all night, I told my buddy my greatest worry from this nadir of human interaction ( the planes into the towers) was that is would move many people into being fear-based for a long time. You have helped turn that around into making us more love-based. Thank you.
You are so kind.