Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Philippians 2:1-2
Leslie is a morning person. Les is a night owl.
Leslie tends to be slow-paced. Les is built for speed.
These are just a couple of our differences. You’ve got them, too. It’s inevitable.
The questions is: How do you and your partner handle differences?
If you are like most couples you probably try one of two things:
- You either sweep your differences under the rug by ignoring them altogether; – or –
- You try to make your partner become like yourself.
Unfortunately, both strategies are doomed to frustration. For one thing, it is only a matter of time before repressed differences reemerge, and second, we miss out on a tremendous gift of marriage when we do not enjoy our partner’s uniqueness.
We continue to shape our personality all our life. –Albert Camus
That’s right, enjoy the differences!
Every person is unique (see Psalm 139:14). God never intended couples to approach life as if they were twins separated at birth. He made us with unique strengths and weaknesses.
He gave each of us special gifts.
The difference in temperament that allows your partner to deal with situations that would drive you crazy is something to be thankful for.
Sure, some of his or her traits make living together tough at times, but appreciating the positive side of your differences is sure to make your marriage more balanced and complete.
Reflect and Respond
What trait, different from your own, can you focus on appreciating in your partner this week?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Couples who are stepping on each other’s toes should try walking in each other’s shoes. Trading Places reduces conflict, deepens your commitment, and helps you live as better friends and lovers. Mutual empathy — the revolutionary tool for instantly improving a relationship — can be learned and practiced.
Vive la difference!
Makes a good case for spending at least a couple years in courtship to make sure you’re well-suited for each other!
We have been married 40 years. I’m the morning person, she the night person. Our difference gives us the opportunity to do things we like while the other sleeps (sometimes me on the couch while she watches Hallmark : ). But we always go to bed at the same time but she may read a bit as I go to sleep. This gives us more time to spend doing things we both enjoy as a couple.
I prefer to use the word “differentness” rather than “differences”. Differences implies conflict, like we’re having a difference with each other. As you stated, God intentionally made us different, or He would have made Steve, not Eve. He didn’t do so to make our lives miserable. My wife’s differentness than me gives spice and variety to our relationship, and offers me an opportunity to defer to and serve her; her differentness sharpens my serve, which is why I believe God wanted it this way.
This devotional is oh very timely for the place that we are in our marriage. I have struggling with our areas of differences or “differentness” as John stated above. They seems like an abyss that cannot be repaired. Markedly this is my perception since the “differentness” does not seem to bother my husband in the least bit. I have brought some of the areas to his attention which gets better for a few days and then it reverts to the previous state. This is a source of major frustration for me and so I retreat into my emotional safe heaven of reading, christian music and comedy to keep my focus and not become depressed. Thank you for being so very relevant with all the devotionals. I pray for my spouse continually so that as we both build our faith in the God who designed marriage, that our relationship would grow stronger and stronger to be a good reflections of Christ and his church. Thanks again, God bless you.
Wow! What a timely and “dead on” topic. We are working on our fifty-second year of marriage and still learning how to deal with each other’s “differentnesses”. My husband is a human “doing” and it really frustrates my “being” ness. My major pet peeve has been for years, frustrating me to distraction.
We are both in the 12-step program. By my count, he sponsors twenty men, give or take a few. My complaint is he is always gone, to the point of being driven and regimented. He lives by the clock. For an introvert, this also effects our togetherness. By the time he gets home he’s peopled out! I on the other hand, am an extravert ambling my way through life, smelling the roses. We do a lot of things together, have many of the same values, interest, goals, dreams, and tastes. But this one point was a real sore spot for me!
When the kids were still home I was able to keep it under control it with only occasional eruptions.
Until recently, my selfishness was keeping me seeing how he has being a father-figure to a lot of these men, that they have not had in their lives. In addition, I am becoming an introvert. And, God has sent me a group of young women to mother.
I’m always trying to get my husband to mentor to his son and son-in-law. He is not a selfish person. Example church Wednesday night, did you call our son about coming to church and having dinner with us? No. Why? Didn’t think about it. Well, just a word of encouragement or reaching out to let him know you were thinking about him might have been all he needed to join us tonight. (Not that he misses often, but still). My husband always doing for me personally! ( coffee every morning, back rubs, Good listener about most things. Just this area drives me crazy! How do I appreciate that?
Crazy in love after 34 years.