So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free,
and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.
Galatians 5:1
We had just finished speaking at a camp in the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington when a small plane buzzed over head and landed on a nearby airstrip. A few minutes later the pilot was flying us over the islands of Puget Sound and we were approaching the lights of a local airport.
“The most important thing about landing is the attitude of the plane,” said the pilot.
“You mean altitude, don’t you?” We asked.
“No,” the pilot explained. “The attitude has to do with the nose of the plane. If the attitude is too high the plane will come down with a severe bounce. And if the attitude is too low the plane may go out of control because of excessive landing speed.”
Then the pilot said something that got my attention: “The trick is to get the right attitude in spite of atmospheric conditions.”
Without knowing it, our pilot had given us a perfect analogy for creating happiness in marriage — developing the right attitude in spite of the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Most people are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be.
–Abraham Lincoln
It is no accident that some couples who encounter marital turbulence navigate it successfully while others in similar circumstances are dominated by frustration, disappointment and eventual despair.
It is no accident, also, that some couples are radiant, positive, and happy while other couples are beaten down, defeated, and anxiety-ridden.
Researchers who have searched for the difference between the two have come up with all kinds of correlates to marital success (long courtships, similar backgrounds, supportive families, good communication, well educated, and so on).
But the bottom line is that happy couples decide to be happy. In spite of whatever life deals them, they make happiness a habit.
Reflect and Respond
When do you most need to adjust to circumstances beyond your control?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
3 Seconds: The Power of Thinking Twice
Three seconds is all that stands between those who settle for “whatever” and those who insist on “whatever it takes.” This book reveals six common impulses that sabotage greatness in our lives. We can unleash our full potential and excellence when we learn how to give our first impulses a second thought.
Awesome analogy – really encouraging. Thanks for the posts!
Oh, so glad you found it valuable, Carmen. And thanks for saying so!
I always try to understand what was the intention that created the situation. Then i adjust accordingly.
Mike: That’s fantastic! Tough to do for most people … takes a lot of intention to understand someone’s intention!
My husband always says both husband & wife need to take turns being passive & aggressive or what most would call give & take. When the situation is out of our hands we need to pull together and work as a team. I am however compelled to say that nobody should ever stay in an abusive situation! Love does cover a multitude of sins & we both have need of love to cover those shortcomings. This is a tough question because the specific answer depends on the situation at that moment. Love, teamwork, give and take, communication are major components to marriage. Don’t ever stop talking no matter how difficult the situation because that’s when the marriage will end
As we often say in our seminars, Linda, communication is the lifeblood of your relationship. We’re with you.
It’s when I most want to do something but realize I cant… yet at the same time ends up creating stress..
Andrea: Isn’t that the truth?! You’re not alone. 🙂
When I don’t feel like it…no matter how I feel, I can’t allow those feelings to make me behave ill towards my husband. It’s not about me; it’s about God! I have to look to Him for examples of how to have a better attitude.
Thanks Les & Leslie for another thought provoking post!
Zina: Such a good comment! Thanks so much. Great to have you with us.
We are reading the The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Anchor. It parallels what Les said and is helping us understand the choice.
Cool, Shane. After you finish that book (it’s a good one) you might want to look at our latest book, too. It’s called Making Happy and it’s especially for couples. Thanks so much for sharing!
Inspired by your analogy! Reminded that our perspective greatly determines our attitude. May God enable us to view our spouses as His masterpieces, created in Christ do achieve good things (Ephesians 2:10). I am grateful for the power of God’s truth to transform our perspective (Romans 12:2) as we steep ourselves in His Truth. One of my daily habits is to use my drive time to work to thank God for my wife and children, by name, and ask God to enable me to see and love them as Jesus does me. It has helped curb my “stinkin’ thinkin’, and ignore those crazy thoughts we all have when we’re irritate, disappointed, hurt, or angry. As Paul says, “Godliness with contentment” is a great thing!
Amen and amen, Kevin.
First great analogy! I think attitude is most important and not letting the atmosphere dictate your attitude is obviously the task. This is an area I personally am working on but I have found that if I keep the big picture in mind which is a peaceful marriage and that my wife is on my side not against me then I dictate the attitude. Good article.
Love your perspective, Tony. Thanks for sharing this with us.
That is such an awesome analogy! I have never heard it put quite that way before, but it is perfect. My wife and I often have discussions where discuss the attitudes we see in other couple around us. So many times we hear other couples talking about how life ends when you get married, you hear all them time how you have to give up fun for marriage. And sex? Apparently doesn’t even exist in marriage once you have kids, if you go by everything that you hear. Then we look at our 22 years of marriage and wonder what we are doing so differently than all these other people that we still have fun and love each other just as much today as we did on day one of year one. This analogy is a spot on explanation of how we are able to maintain that and get through things that we see breaking other couple apart. Thanks!!!
Congratulations to you and your wife on 22 years, Andy. That’s terrific! And thanks for your kind words about this devotion. So glad you found it helpful.
GodsThe Decision To Be And Stay Happy Involves Attitude All The Way. Lincoln Once Remarked People Are As Happy As They Make Up Their Mind To Be. We All Have Past Skeletons But Deciding On Our Attitudes Goes Beyond The Circumstances W GodS Help
Love that quote by Lincoln, Buck! Thanks.
Dealing with circumstances beyond my control? For me, acceptance is the key! Learning to “accept the things I cannot change,” is difficult! But here are a couple of things that help me: I try to remember that acceptance does not mean I have to agree, like, or even fully understand the circumstances. And I only have to accept them for TODAY! God can change anything at any time, so I just need to accept that things (or even certain people) ARE what they are today, pray, and trust Father God to change them if they are bothering Him as much as they are me. But what if they are not bothering Him? Then I pray that He will change me!
Barby, what a great prayer for all of us to keep in mind. Thanks so much.
Choosing to have an attitude of happiness, despite circumstances (abusive marriage for me, singleness for him), has been one of the things that attracted me to my husband and he to me! If each partner is happy, then the other is not responsible to make them happy. We add to each other’s happiness!
Similarly, when we are focused on Jesus, the chaos and crud of the world has less effect on us.
Thanks for the great devotional and may God continue to bless your ministry!
You are welcome, Jenn. So glad you found this helpful. Love your comment.
Any chance in the world I could dialog in some way with you guys for a little bit in any style you prefer (email, phone, text whatever…)? I respect you guys so much and need some wisdom in my life right now.