Sometime in the next week or so our family is likely to watch a movie that we’ve seen many times before – the 1983, now classic holiday film, A Christmas Story. Chances are you’ve seen it, too. Remember the scene where children gather at a school playground on a snowy day? On a “triple-dog-dare,” one of the children, Flick, agrees to put his tongue on the flagpole to see if it sticks.
That’s when both of our boys – and sometimes the two of us – yell at the screen: “Don’t do it!”
But he does – every year!
Flick screams, “Stuck! Stuck! Stuck!” All the children abandon Flick, retreating into the warm classroom. As class begins, the teacher sees Flick out the window and recoils in horror. His tongue is frozen to the pole! Eventually firemen extricate Flick, and he walks back into the room with a bandaged tongue. The teacher demands to know who put Flick up to this, but no one confesses. Everyone sits without saying a word. Then we hear Ralphie (the main character) as he silently muses: “Adults loved to say stuff like that, but kids knew better. Kids knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.”
Truth be told, most adults feel the same way. Who likes to admit fault and confess what they might otherwise get away with? But here’s a secret that might make your whole Christmas season: When you admit a fault to your spouse and tell them you’re working on it, they’re likely to see it as one of the best Christmas gifts you can give.
Recently, after tucking our boys into bed, Les said something that startled me: “This past year I think I’ve been impatient with you way more than I like. I know I can do better and I want you to know I’m working on it.”
Whoa! I didn’t see that coming. And I’ve got to tell you that it warmed my soul. Les must have known I needed this gift. Before he said it, I was beginning to feel a bit like Flick, stuck out in the cold of our relationship on occasion. But that little confession changed everything.
So, are you ready for the challenge? Are you willing to confess a minor marital infraction to your spouse this week? It need not be big. Maybe it’s an annoying habit like leaving your towel on the floor, nagging a little too much, or not sticking to the budget.
Whatever it is, when you fess up and let your spouse know you’re working on it, you’ve immediately entered the land of the courageous. They’ll respect you for it, because confession brings healing (James 5:16). Oh, and if your spouse is reading this and decides to confesses a blunder, be sure to offer grace. We triple-dog-dare you!
Related Resources
Couples who are stepping on each other’s toes should try walking in each other’s shoes. Trading Places reduces conflict, deepens your commitment, and helps you live as better friends and lovers. Mutual empathy—the revolutionary tool for instantly improving a relationship—can be learned and practiced.
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First off Merry Christmas to both of you and your family. My wife and I have benefited greatly from your guidance and expertise over the years and it is something that I am very thankful for. As for your challenge I am gong to take this challenge… I am not sure what I should confess yet, as a guy I am sure there are a plethora of options for me to choose from though! Seriously though I know there are some things I have not been as good at this year as I would like or maybe even as I have been in past years of our marriage. I am going to give this some thought and who knows I might have to take this challenge more than once.
Thank you and God bless!!
Andy: Good for you! If you’re at all like me (Les) you won’t have any shortage of things to choose from. 🙂 And thanks for your VERY kind words. Wishing you and yours a spectacular Christmas.
I really worked on apologizing this year. it has led to a thrilling and fulfilling daily experience. I was very unhappy and didnt want to confess anything, because i felt she should apologize to me. I decided that apologizing is simply the right thing to do, and if she uses the opportunity to bring up everything else she dislikes about me, then I would just deal with it. so i chose to apologize for something small that I knew I could have success at not doing again. i think i apologized for blaming her for misplacing my keys. i absolutely was positive i was wrong, so i did it. to my surprise she had almost no reaction, she didnt know what to say. she mumbled something like i forgive you. we then left without a hug or kiss or long discussion. i felt it went better than expected, so i kept apologizing for small grievences. to my surprise one day when i was humbly, honestly apologizing, she started crying , and said why are you so good to me i dont deserve you, who are you, where is Matt. well, things have really changed, i couldnt be happier. i have an imperfect marriage, i love apologizing.
Matt: This is so wonderful to hear. You’re a courageous man – and it’s obviously paying off. Love it!
I love the devotionals that you are putting together! The discussion questions are a great discussion starter.
Karen: We LOVE hearing this. Thanks so much! Happy discussing.