Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up. Proverbs 12:25
Spouses routinely underestimate the importance of a kind word.
We’re not talking about elaborate praise or a heartfelt poem, as wonderful as these things are.
We’re talking about the simple, everyday, kindness of small talk. Kind words, such as: “Thanks,” “You’re great,” “I missed you today.”
“The small day-to-day things you say are more important than any of the overarching communication issues,” says Clifford Notarius, author of We Can Work It Out.
Most marriage experts agree.
Thomas Holman, a professor of family sciences at Brigham Young University, who studies ways to increase marital quality, has found that making time for small talk is at least as important to couples’ happiness as agreement on values and role expectations, demographic similarities, emotional health or parents’ marriage success.
Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. –Charles H. Spurgeon
When a couple is just sitting around talking, one of the things they are saying is, “You are important enough to me just to sit here with you.”
It’s what Dr. Holman calls a “Maxwell House moment” because it is the kind of casual exchange that usually takes place over a cup of coffee.
The subject isn’t relevant, it’s the kind words expressed that matter.
So the next time your spouse has a heavy heart remember the wise words of this Proverb: An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. You don’t have to throw a party, buy presents, or hire a clown.
All you need is a kind word.
Reflect and Respond
When was the last time you encouraged your spouse with a kind word?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
The first steps to improving this single most important factor in any marriage or love relationship are to identify your fear factors and determine your personal communication styles, and then learn how the two of you can best interact. In this no-nonsense book, “psychobabble” is translated into easy-to-understand language that clearly teaches you what you need to do – and not do – for speaking each other’s language like you never have before.
My husband and I have set aside a “coffee” time every morning for just spending quality time together with no phones or interruptions, just us talking and also each morning before we get out of bed, we just cuddle for 5 minutes or so. We don’t even have to talk. We’ve been married 15 years and are still honeymooning!
I have pretty bad sleeping problems, over the past three nights I only achieved about 10 to 12 hours of sleep. At this point my attitude goes into a huge downfall of depression. My spouse told me that “you may not think that you are doing good but you are actually doing great!” That lifted my spirt for the rest of the day. For me knowing that I can come through for her, also her confidence that I can come through for her means everything to me. When she is in a slup all I have to do is give her a hug and tell her I love her, that lifts her spirits. Like your story says, it doesn’t take much just a few kind words…..