And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. Philippians 1:9-10
The world’s longest marriage was celebrated recently.
According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Lee, 91, and Kim, 95, from South Korea celebrated their 82nd wedding anniversary at a festive event in the house of their first son, aged 75. Lee and Kim have 5 sons, 3 daughters, and 105 grandchildren and great-grandchildren. On their anniversary, the world’s longest married couple was given special gifts, including 82 roses . . . and hearing aids.
After more than eight decades of marriage they were getting hearing aids! Guess they wanted to be sure they still wouldn’t miss a word.
Can you imagine the number of conversations this couple’s had? In all that time, they must have touched on every conceivable topic a husband and wife could discuss. But this record-breaking marriage got us to thinking.
Did Lee and Kim ever pay conscious attention to a conversation they may not have even known they had? Few couples do.
A quiet conversation that happens every day in your marriage almost always goes unnoticed. Yet it’s the most important discussion you ever have. Its words linger longer, are felt more deeply, and determine the closeness or distance you feel.
We’re talking about the conversation you have with yourself when your partner isn’t listening. We’re talking about your relational self-talk.
The more faithfully you listen to the voices within you, the better you will hear what is sounding outside. –Dag Hammarskjold
Each of us, every minute of every hour, holds an unending internal dialogue, which colors every experience in our marriage. Self-talk occurs without any prior reflection or reasoning. Our brain instantly sees it as plausible and valid.
Our self-talk need not be accurate. In fact, for many of us, it rarely is. But it never hinders the mind from acting as if it were. While these thoughts are rarely noticed, they continually shape our attitudes, emotions, and outlook. So what are you saying to yourself about your relationship?
Reflect and Respond
What’s the most common line of self-talk you hear in your own mind?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
The first steps to improving this single most important factor in any marriage or love relationship are to identify your fear factors and determine your personal communication styles, and then learn how the two of you can best interact. In this no-nonsense book, “psychobabble” is translated into easy-to-understand language that clearly teaches you what you need to do – and not do – for speaking each other’s language like you never have before.
Of all the husbands in the world how did I marry the best?
It goes both ways. In marriage most things have either a positive or negative effect upon each spouse. Eight decades of marriage caused both positive and negative experiences. Hopefully, the positive ones out-weighed the negative. Further, that the negative were met with repentance and the positive ones with appreciation.
I’d rather have ten years of wonderful, than 80 of nothing-special.
Are you being the wife God has called you to be; are you meeting El’s needs?
Thank you. This is a great piece of advice!!
Good article! Too often, our souls enemy, “the thought caster” is at work planting negative “why do they do that!” thoughts. It’s very subtle usually, but so damaging to a healthy, growing relationship that we all desire. We need to take control, not slip into agreement, and actually pray for & bless our mates as a way of “resisting the devil and he will flee”. .
It depends…and to be honest, it’s impacted most by our prayer life together. It’s pretty hard to have a negative inner monologue about someone who you’ve just prayed with.