Money Talks and So Can We

Get wisdom — it’s worth more than money;
choose insight over income every time.
Proverbs 16:16

“Why do you always make the money decisions?” Leslie asked me.

We were standing in the middle of a department store trying to choose a new couch. And it seemed to her that I was controlling the decision.

“I don’t make the money decisions,” I said with a hint of superiority, “our bank account does.”

That remark was followed by a lengthy, whiny discussion — okay, it was a fight — over how we manage, or should manage, our money.

Was I in charge or were we in charge?

The conversation took place many years ago in our marriage but even all these years later, it can sometimes still emerge.

Money, after all, often represents power in a relationship. No wonder it’s the most frequent cause of conflict for couples.

“We can talk about almost anything except money,” we hear couples say. That’s understandable. Money is a touchy subject. The topic sometimes brings out the worst in us. We can become withdrawn, pushy, or manipulative.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

With the right attitude and an honest agenda, couples can effectively communicate about getting out of debt, spending and giving, investing, and all the rest.

Money often costs too much.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you need a fresh start in talking with your spouse about your financial future, we have a suggestion: Start by discussing your spending styles of the past. Ask questions like these:

• How did your childhoods shape your beliefs about money?
• How were financial decision made in the home where you grew up?
• Were money problems discussed openly?

This kind of discussion will give you empathy for one another’s money style and help you move into discussing how each of you approach money today.

Don’t be disturbed if you find your priorities conflict.

The goal is to communicate and eventually compromise. Not to evaluate and judge.