Though you lie down among the sheepfolds, you will be like the wings of a dove covered with silver, and her feathers with yellow gold. Psalm 68:13
At one time Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America.
He came to America from his native Scotland when he was a small boy, did a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States.
At one time he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person. Conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to at least twenty million dollars today.
A reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires.
Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him but had become millionaires as a result.
The reporter’s next question was, “How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?”
Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold. But one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt – one goes in looking for the gold.
“Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold.” –Leo Tolstoy
That’s exactly the way spouses develop a positive and healthy relationship. It’s unhealthy couples that only see the dirt – the flaws, warts, and blemishes.
If you want a great relationship, look for the gold in each other, the good, not the bad.
Like everything else, the more good qualities we look for in each other, the more good qualities we are going to find. In fact, why don’t you take this opportunity to name one specific quality you see in your spouse right now.
Reflect and Respond
What good quality do you prize in your spouse today and why?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Making Happy explores the science, the art, and the practice of happiness in marriage. Drawing from real-life examples, this book offers insights into how your brain and relationship affect each other as you make happiness in your marriage a conscious, delightful habit.
I’m going to prephase this with a word of caution: Don’t ignore or downplay behavior that’s serious, life threatening, physically or emotionally abusive. Yes it’s better to look for the good in someone my husband is a mechanical savant there’s nothing he can’t build fix or install. He’s also very crude, vulgar, emotionally abusive and has a violent temper. Everyone has good qualities but the bible warns us against charm. May God impart the wisdom of Solomon to you.
My husband has many strengths, so choosing one is a challenge. He is always looking for opportunities to be helpful and bless others as well as me. His love for me is steadfast and I can rely on him to be faithful to me. His coworkers and even our dentist have told me that he’s told them good things about me. I’m far from being the godly woman I desire to be but his positive perception of me spurs me to greater effort in every area of my life. I’m not striving to gain his approval and love but because I know I have it. His support means the world to me.
My husband is the most fun loving person, and a hard worker at whatever he does. It truly is a choice to make each day, to find the “gold” and sweep away the dirt …there is so much that happens every day! At the end of the day we say “I Love You” and hold hands as we coast off to sleep – sweet!
Today as we were decorating our home for Christmas which included the tree, I placed an ornament on the tree. Unfortunately it was an ornament that my wife did not like and she told me I placed it in the wrong place. At first I thought she was being a little too controlling, and overly particular about one ornament on a tree full of ornaments. It ticked me off she was being so fussy about it and I thought to myself…”well I guess I should find out which ornaments are acceptable to her and request an ornament placement char as well. That way when I decorate HER tree i can make sure I do it the RIGHT way”. I walked away and grabbed a cup of coffee. She could tell I was miffed. After a few minutes, which seemed like a few hours, I realized that every single year for the last 24 years our home looked like a Christmas Wonderland. Beautifully decorated with poinsettias, and stockings, Christmas trees, garland, wreaths, beautiful bows and lights as well as figurines depicting holiday scenes and lighted nativities along with angels and Santa and even pictures of past Christmases. My wife poured her heart into making our home so warm and festive and inviting and beautiful. Every year when friends and family would visit they always commented on how festive and nice our home looked. Her heart is a heart of gold when it comes to home and family and the holidays are a time when that really shines through. Needless to say I changed my attitude and made sure to tell her how much I appreciated what she does and how much I love her for it. Merry Christmas!
Ouch! Even though we’ve been married 35 years, I need this reminder. I’d better concentrate more on the gold than the dirt! Thanks for sharing this. What a great analogy.
My husband is a very good man. Hardworking, loyal, and kind. Today, I will choose to see the gold in how much he loves my stepson. I will choose to focus on that and not on feeling that he is more permissive than I am. God put us together for a reason and He may want me to give our boy the loving boundaries that every child needs- He certainly has given me that desire and ability. 🙂
Her hard work.. or overwork.