Your hearts will burst with song,
make music like the sound of flutes on parade,
En route to the mountain of God,
on the way to the Rock of Israel.
Isaiah 30:30
Neither of us is very musical. Leslie can play the piano, a little. Les, well, he really, really wishes he played the piano or guitar. But we both love music. Doesn’t everybody?
Music activates parts of the brain that trigger happiness, releasing endorphins similar to the ways that sex and food do. A song we like, be it classical, folk or punk, causes our brain to fire off with delight. A mini celebration ensues. So what can you do to bring more of these musical celebrations into your relationship?
We have a suggestion. If you’re of a certain age, you probably made your partner a “play list” when you were dating, a personalized compilation of songs that spoke to the two of you. They may have been songs that conjured certain memories or songs that simply conveyed a message you wanted your partner to hear from you.
And if you didn’t make a play list you may have even called into a local radio station to have a particular song dedicated to your sweetheart. Pretty juvenile, right? Well, you didn’t used to think so. You spent hours listening to those songs together and apart. Why not put a little play list together for just the two of you again. It may sound silly, but we dare you.
And if you’re wondering, yes, we’ve done this ourselves – 28 years into our marriage. A little James Taylor singing “Secret O’ Life,” Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together,” Dan Fogelberg’s “Stolen Moments,” and Paul McCartney singing “My Love.” We mostly go old school because the songs on our play list can bring us right back to specific moments in time, early in our relationship, and they conjure fantastic emotions.
If music be the food of love, play on.
–William Shakespeare
Hearing a piece of music is often tied to memories: If this is the song that was playing during a first kiss, then the prefrontal cortex, where memory is stored, lights up. Since this is one of the last brain areas to fall prey to the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease, researchers have found that people with the condition can remember songs from long ago, even when they can’t remember what they did yesterday.
The gift of music runs deep. Even the most cynical among us would have a hard time denying that hearing a favorite song can completely change our mood. That’s why it’s essential to bring music into the arena of your marriage. As Shakespeare said, “If music be the food of love, play on.”
Music, even the simplest of tunes, can touch the human heart and evoke positive emotions like few other experiences. “Without music,” said philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, “life would be a mistake.” And it would certainly be a mistake to overlook music as a powerful happiness booster for couples.
Reflect and Respond
Can you tell us your favorite love song and why?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
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Making Happy explores the science, the art, and the practice of happiness in marriage. Drawing from real-life examples, this book offers insights into how your brain and relationship affect each other as you make happiness in your marriage a conscious, delightful habit.
Favorite love song of the moment? Bruno Mars, “Just the way you are.” What better message can you send your spouse but that you love them exactly the way they are. No changes required. Plus, the music itself is beautiful.
Love that song, Christy. We are putting it on our playlist. And the vide is pretty cleaver, too. Thanks!
My Grandfather was in the very advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. He had not been able to speak for a few years. It had been awhile since he had recognized anyone, including my grandmother. But he was a dancer. My grandparents traveled to dancing competitions for as long as I knew them. Even when he could no longer communicate, barely walk, and his mind quit functioning, he danced. It was one of the most precious things to watch when he feebly twirled the nurses and tried to shuffle his feet in time. Music is indeed a precious gift.
Christy: This is such a sweet story. Thanks for sharing this.
My husband and I love the song “I can love you like that” by John Michael Montgomery. We saw this artist at our state fair a long time ago. My husband spontaneously pulled me from my chair and off to the side danced with me to the song. It was hard not to feel a little embarrassed but I felt very loved all the same. So when we play that song on our iTunes we still remember that day and my husband will still dance with me in the middle of the kitchen 🙂
Cori: You married a brave and romantic man! That’s fantastic. And what a wonderful song (new to us). Wonderful!
I wrote a song for my husband when we were engaged, called “This Little Heart of Mine”. He added a verse and recorded it, playing guitar and keyboards. We sang it to each other as a duet at our wedding. Some of the lines are: this little heart of mine, I want to offer you. I want to show my love in everything I do. Since you’ve come into my life, you’ve changed my heart around. You’ve brought me hope and joy and a love I’ve never found. Come into my arms, take this love I give, bring me to your heart, and share this life I live…
Occasionally it plays on our random play list. We should listen to it more often.
Diane: You guys are awesome, Diane. That must have been a show-stopper at your wedding. Sounds beautiful and the lyrics you wrote are incredibly touching. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Very cool.
My wife walked down the isle to a song Intertwined by a folk group with an unfortunate name I won’t type onto your blog. But the song is beautiful. If ever my wife needs a smile…and not just on the “…why did we think more than one kid was a good idea?…” kind of day. But on those “world might as well end” kind of days. All I need is to play that song and she can’t help by smile. And boy oh boy I do love that smile.
Fantastic, Eric. But you’ve got us wondering about the name of that folk group. 🙂
On our wedding day, my brother played an “oldie but goodie” – The Bells Started Ringing On Our Wedding Day” at our reception. I recently found the song on YouTube and made a playlist. It brings back such beautiful memories.
Louisa: That’s not only an “oldie” but a one we’re not too familiar with. Just listened to it. Nice!
“En route to the mountain of God, on the way to the Rock of Israel”, a.k.a., the personal vision of revealed KNOWLEDGE OF GOD, based on “the kind of death Jesus suffered”, produces life in all its fullness with all the music the heart desires.
It is such a privilege to have really seen God and lived to tell about it. Thank you LORD!
(Jer. 31: 31-34; John 10:10; 14: 18-21; 19: 30-37)
P.S. It’s all about the irrevocable terms of the “new covenant” sealed in Christ’s death on the cross.
When we were dating in the 60’s (not OUR 60’s) — A couple of our favorites were “Make the World Go Away” and “Put Your Head on My Shoulder” —- mainly because we could harmonize on them. I was a singer (young – with no idea that I really “become” a church musician down the road — it excited me to hear my “first love” sing the lead and I harmonized. (Being a forever romantic, I envisioned us singing together in the future, etc. — but seldom sang publicly; however when our children were old enough – we formed a quartet for a brief time.) We still duo today when the songs come around. HOWEVER, another song backfired a little on me – because – for a brief time, we broke up, so I could date others — being so young and only have dated him — made me feel the need “check the waters”. HE otherwise, being older, didn’t need to test the waters, so it broke his heart. Thus – because I did date a few other guys — tho’ no sparks flew & nothing developed — my “dear boyfriend” adopted the song, “The Night has a Thousand Eyes” — in other words to him I was cheating on him. NOT FAIR — but 48 years later, if that song plays — I still get that look and we start all over trying to prove our own opinion of it all. Hmmm. Maybe on our 50th — I can ask for truce – and try to stop the nonsense. 😉
Ha! Thanks for sharing a part of your story, Pat. Music certainly weaves throughout your relationship. You can’t deny that. Wish we could sing a duo, by the way.