Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:22-25
Shiny. Smooth. Lustrous. Even the words describing them sound sensual. Satin sheets evoke the epitome of a bed that is ready for love making. To slide in-between these silky sheets and cozy up to your husband or wife is bound to get most couples in the mood.
Truth be told, however, most of us don’t need the luxury of satin sheets to stir up the fires of passion. You may sleep on cotton jersey, flannel, or crisp linen. The kind of sheets on your bed, truthfully, says little about your love life. Far more telling is the status of your relationship outside the bedroom.
Of course, that’s not the cultural message – especially this week. Do you feel the pressure? This weekend couples everywhere are celebrating Valentine’s Day.
So let’s take a moment to look at the sensual pleasures (and sometimes pressures) this season conjures up for married couples.
What do we know for sure helps a husband and wife have success in the bedroom?
While biology, especially the neurochemistry that determines each person’s hormonal levels, is a significant factor in sexual motivation, it has long been established that couples who are intentional about their sex lives enjoy more fulfillment between the sheets – satin or not.
Sex in marriage is predictable, yet changeable, diverse, unknowable, mysterious, and forever beyond our full understanding. If this sounds confusing and contradictory – it is. –Cliff and Joyce Penner
What does this mean?
First, these couples aren’t afraid to schedule times of physical intimacy. While this may sound like it takes all the spontaneity out of it, you won’t hear these couples complaining.
Second, these couples talk to each other about what they like and don’t like when it comes to their sexual play. And they respect each other’s desires in the conversation as well.
So as you slip between the sheets this week take a moment to inventory your sex life and, if need be, get intentional about how to make it better.
Reflect and Respond
Have you scheduled your time of physical intimacy this week?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Your sexual drive can incinerate your wedding vows — or ignite a flame of passion within your marriage that brings mind-blowing pleasure to both you and your spouse. You will learn about a whole new dimension of sexual pleasure. After all, great married sex is not only possible, it’s the way God meant it to be.
My husband and have been married almost 7 years but dated for four years before we were married. So that makes 11 years together. Even though we saved that kind of intimacy for after marriage we do schedule our times. It sounds funny but having two kiddos and one on the way it’s necessary. Sometimes the days change due to busy schduels but we promise to be together intamitley a certain amount of time. Should there be a magic number that we should be together in a week?
I couldn’t resist… I saw the Reply button!
There is a magic number and that number is the number you both agree on that is most likely to give you both what you want.
Paul sends…
I think that spontaneous love making has its place but is largely overblown. I think it is a copout for those who want the prize and don’t want the planning. Some movies and TV illustrate spontaneous sex. It is exhilarating mostly because it is forbidden. Almost every illustration is based on immoral desires.
What if the best sex was planned. What if a couple abstained for time and invited all the family and best friends to come to a special service. What if they hired a preacher to dedicate their together years before the Lord just hours before they hop in bed. We’d call it a wedding. It’s good, it’s moral, it is exhilarating, not usually spontaneous. To me, spontaneous falls in the category of instant gratification. Anticipation is delayed gratification and has the potential of being more satisfying. Married couples can have both.
We set a date weeks ahead where both of us plan an event together and add something for a surprise just for each other. A marriage retreat with hundreds of couples with the same thing on their minds, improving communication, thoughtfulness, grace for each other and celebration is good for us. Celebrated 44yrs last week.
Married 27 years and sex just constantly gets better – if and when it happens….I’m all for being intentional but what about when your spouse (husband) refuses to allow intimacy?
It would be helpful for both of you to find the reason that he refuses. It may come down to just asking him straight up. There are all sorts of reasons both emotional and physical.
Paul sends…
My husband and I have been married 9 years this July. Until a year ago I did not believe in “scheduling sex”. After all, where is the magic in that? But we have 4 little ones (8,5&1 1/2 year old twins). I am busy and tired! Because I was the one not feeling it, I decided as a wife it is my duty to keep my husband fulfilled. I didn’t even realize that I needed this too, WE need this together! So we have scheduled 1 day a week to have our alone, intimate time together and, let me tell you, it is way better than being spontaneous! Yes, that time will come when we can be more spontaneous again, but for now I thank God for giving me this time with my husband amongst the crazy busy schedules we have
Yes, we schedule (loosely). That gives us the chance to be extra affectionate for several hours ahead of time.
We have for the most part of our 51 years, left it up to being spontaneous. However, especially when our children were young, this led to unrealistic expectations being unmet, and caused hard-feelings. Its good to know that old dogs can learn new tricks. I, Mary was of the thinking that setting a date for intimacy was putting it into head mode. Like Sarah, wheres the magic in that?
Well, nature causes things to have to require a little planning time even if it is an hour or two. Who Knew?! Wow! We just had the most awesome four-day valentine week-end ever! .