Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.
John 7:24
Comedian Bill Cosby said, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.”
He’s got a point.
Once the masks are fully removed and a couple settles into married life with their differing personalities, year after year, it can seem quite miraculous that the relationship endures.
What may even be more phenomenal is that a marriage need not only survive, but it can actually thrive in the face of two differing and headstrong personalities that face off day after day.
Of course, we can’t x-ray a personality, but we can observe it.
Why? Because our personality is evident in our behaviors.
We can deduce something, for example, about a person’s temperament when we notice that they do very careful research before buying a camera. And we can deduce something about personality when we see someone purchase a high-priced gadget on impulse.
Our behaviors reveal our personalities.
And as Yogi Berra so famously said, “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Especially when that “watching” is done around the clock in a marriage.
“In a time when nothing is more certain than change,
the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.”
Robert Sexton
Our spouse becomes witness to our traits day-in and day-out. It’s almost as if we are on surveillance without ever intending it. The mere time that marriage consumes cannot help but to make us keen observers of each others’ traits as they become visible in our reactions, our expressions and our behaviors.
So what traits do you think are most consistently seen by your spouse in you? Make a list of two personality traits, right now, that you think your spouse would note about you, and then test your accuracy by asking each other if you’re right.
Reflect and Respond
What’s the biggest personality difference between you and your spouse?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
In this book, the letters L, O, V, and E represent four personality dimensions that make up your personal “love style.” Once you know your own love style and that of your spouse, you will be able to love him or her in a way that will help you get the love you need in return.
My wife and I have much different personalities. I am a people person and like to be the life of the party, the center of attention. She does not like to be out front and is reserved. She supports in anything I try that is out front whether it be teaching Sunday School or running for city council. I think we have really made this personality difference work in our marriage.
My husband is a procrastinator and I am a planner. This has caused many disagreements in our marriage. Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Some things go much better be planned but I have learned to let go of a lot of things that will work out nearly as well, and sometimes better, on the fly.
L.O.V.E. seems like a new take on the old DiSC profile, which I found to be extremely helpful in assessing different personality types, especially in marriage. When you know your spouse’s tendency due to personality type, it helps a lot. But we truly do balance each other out well. My wife is a Leader-Validator and I am more naturally an Optimist-Evaluator. Between this and raising seven kids, we never go to bed at night saying “my, what a boring day we’ve had!”
Thank you for your ministry efforts – your writing is so practical and engaging! We need this.
I’m very particular about how things are done, and my husband is more lax. i.e. neat dresser drawers, kitchen & living room completely clean before bed. Also, my husband is very reserved, and I am the social butterfly. Overall, we make it work!
I hope that my husband sees my servant’s heart in all I do for him, our step-son, and his parents on a daily basis. I do plan to read this devotional to him and to do the activity- each of us thinking about personality traits we’d like the other to notice and then discussing it.
In him, I see his laid-back-ness and his fierce protectiveness of our family.