And may the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow.
I Thessalonians 3:12
When they married 18 months ago, Kim never would have dreamed she’d find herself complaining that her husband Steve didn’t show her enough affection.
“He was so attentive that he would notice if I changed a part in my hair or bought a new blouse,” Kim says.
But the loving words and compliments come a little less often now.
Kim and Steve aren’t alone. The frequent expressions of affection and approval that couples give each other during the courtship and honeymoon stage can dwindle during the first years of marriage — and if we are not careful remain at low ebb for years to come.
Let’s make this perfectly clear. Contrary to the fairy tales we were weaned on, romance runs the risk of fading.
No, let us rephrase that — romance always fades.
And what’s romance? Usually, a nice little tale where you have everything as you like it, where rain never wets your jacket and gnats never bite your nose, and it’s always daisy-time.
–D. H. Lawrence
As human beings, we aren’t built to maintain the high levels of feverish passion and romance experienced during the early days of engagement and the honeymoon. Even the more mature stories of doomed love reinforce this notion.
Remember the tragic twosome Romeo and Juliet?
How about Lancelot and Guinevere?
Rhett and Scarlett?
Each snuffed out their powerful love while the heat of passion was turned up full blast.
Why? Because it couldn’t last. The heat of passion was never meant to.
However, that’s doesn’t mean we are doomed to never enjoy the romance of a honeymoon again.
Not by a long shot.
In fact, researchers have found that the deepest and most satisfying marriage moments in a couple’s marriage are enjoyed during their second half. The question is what are you doing now to ensure your romance quotient doesn’t fade?
Reflect and Respond
What’s one thing you can do this week to improve the Romance Quotient of your relationship?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Your Time-Starved Marriage DVD – It’s Back in Stock!
Reclaim your time together and all the relational benefits that go with it. This six-session small group DVD curriculum will give you the tools you need to stay connected as a couple and make every moment together count.
my husband lives in that fairytale world of constant passion. Unfortunately I’m dealing with the realities of life, my father’s in a nursing home recovering from a stroke, I had a falling out with my daughter & haven’t seen my grandson in 2yrs. I really don’t care about romance I’m sick of being poked & prodded like some toy to be played with while my husband comes & goes as he pleases. he acts like I’m running a hotel & he’s a guest
You must be really hurting right now. Sounds like your heart is burdened and worried. I’m sure you feel just exhausted from caring for your loved one and being apart from your daughter and grandchild. I just want to encourage you that your not alone in this. Share this with your husband. Be transparent with him on what your going through, your feelings(spiritual, emotional, and physical). Share with him your goal on caring with your Dad, as well as getting the relationship back with your daughter and grandson. Talk to him about how you feel about romance right now. I think sometimes (most of the time with my hubby) they want to fix things when they see us hurting. But often times they can not fix it because it’s out of their control. So maybe he tries to comfort you by trying to be overly passionate. I also encourage you to be transparent with God and cry out to him. Let me share with you what my husband and I pray for one another
Thank you God I have a good wife/husband. He loves me,he works hard to provide for the family, Im thankful he chooses to come home to me, and that he still finds me desirable, and I still think he’s the best looking man ever. Lord help me to desire him more,to live him deeply,and forgive him quickly. I truly pray this will help you dear sister. My heart goes out to your family. No matter how you feel, God does love you!
The trials and troubles of life do wear one down, and the honeymoon doesn’t last forever. When you say to someone, “take care” that is just what it means…. take it, actively doing whatever is necessary to be safe, etc. So, we must “take care” that we do not lose what we have gained (sounds Biblical, doesn’t it?) and make choices to HONOR our spouse. I must put on our special CD of Il Volo and when it comes to “our song” take his hand and get him to dance with me, just as we did at first.
My wife and I learned that marriage and love are no different than any other relationship we have in our lives. They require work. Several years ago we had the privilege of attending a workshop that Les and Leslie conducted here in Colorado. We thought at the time that we had a good marriage, that had to that point lasted over a decade. In that workshop they introduced us to the book “Time Starved Marriage” and talked passionately about the fact that any marriage needs to be cared for and worked at in order to sustain over time. We just celebrated the end of our 23 year of not a good marriage, but rather a GREAT one. The difference between having a good marriage and GREAT one is you take the time to make it work. I believe you can have the same levels of passion and romance that you had the first year for your entire marriage, it just takes a little more effort. I think that because I am blessed to live it. Not every day of course, but more days than not, and whether you want to remember it or not even the honeymoon had some off times. My wife and I are blessed to have each other and just as passionate about the love we share as we were on our wedding night. If, as the study says, it gets better in the second half of marriage I can hardly wait to see what that looks like!!!
My husband and I have been married 28 years and it has been very rocky at times. But over the last 5 years it has gotten much better because of changes in both of us. I started actively learning how to accept him just as he is and how to let go of trying to change him. I focus on being more thankful, positive and speaking things to him that help him see my love and respect for him on a daily basis. He has really worked on touching me more (which is my love language and not his) and letting me into his world a little bit by sharing thoughts and feelings he has at work. He has also taken more of a team approach in our marriage and sees how important it is to observe and do things around the house. We live near a lake and take walks around the lake most every night- we pray together and laugh about things that happen in our days and try to take each other by surprise with kisses. I feel like I love him more than I did when I married him, but it is a different kind of love. It is deeper and more trusting and emotionally intimate. Every once in a while I look at him and still feel those passionate heart throbs, but I don’t expect it.
My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years, but we were 40 when we met. I was married before to an emotionally and mentally abusive man. My current husband knows some of what I went through and we are intentional about touching each other (both of our primary love languages) and I make sure to tell him how much I enjoy little things that he does that spark my pilot light for later. 🙂
Congratulations to those of you with happy, healthy marriages of long durations! I am excited to see where God takes us, as we keep our eyes on him and our hands on each other!
Linda,
I’m sorry that you have so much negative “stuff” going on in your in your life, however, you don’t have to let it define your marriage. Like the other comments I too am blessed to have married my best friend, but it wasn’t always that way. There was a time, in my early forties that I thought he was the reason for all my woes. After a lot of hard work and much therapy, several seminars, and some time in the 12step program I realized I was expecting him to make me happy. Can’t happen. I’m responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness as the case goes.
So often we women think that we are not allowed to ask our men to do us a favor and (name the task) as if were talking to our best girlfriend, and allow him into our world instead of expecting him to read our minds. I’m not a real Dr. Phil fan, but I have to admit that I love his quote, “You can’t put the red dots close enough together for men. God love them, they want to help us and make us happy, be our night in shining amour, but they haven’t a clue. I think God did that on purpose, to keep us on our toes, to teach us compassion.
I would do all that work I did on myself again in a heart beat, if I knew that my life, our relationship, would evolve into what it has. We our working on our fifty-second year, and my only concern is that it will not be long enough. Why, because we could be a composite of TJ, Ellie, Andy, Dee & Jenn. We do all those things they suggested and more. Marriage is work, but it is such rewarding work if we stick with it. My prayers go with you. And may I suggest you give your daughter a call? Life is too short!
I love your devotionals, including this one! However I would like to encourage you to be careful about the SOURCES for the quotations that are included, especially ones by D. H. Lawrence. It makes me hesitant to forward the devotionals to the couples we mentor because, even if the quote is a good one, I do not want to promote the works of authors that may be ungodly and lead those couples astray. Thank you for considering my request and thank you for your excellent devotionals for couples! God bless you!