Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
It’s common practice for a new website or software to go public in what is referred to as a “beta” version.
When Microsoft, for example, launches a new system upgrade it will come out in beta before the “official” or final version is released.
The idea of a beta site is it’s still in test mode.
In other words, it is available for the public to use, but with the understanding that you may find bugs in it. The site is not making any claims to have everything worked out to perfection.
If you are a mature person, you don’t get angry with a beta site if some aspect of its functionality is not doing what you think it should. You give a beta version plenty of grace and the site is counting on you to give grace.
The same principle holds true in marriage.
Think how much conflict, frustration, and friction we could avoid in our relationship if we treated each other as “beta spouses.”
If we could remember that we are all a work in progress – ourselves as well as our partner – life would be exponentially easier.
Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor. –Anne Lamott
So why don’t we do that? For many, the reason rests on an unrealistic level of perfectionism. And perfection was never meant for marriage.
Of course, this does not mean we should not aim for high standards in our relationship or within ourselves. But there is a huge difference between perfectionism and excellence.
Excellence is not attaining an impossibly out-of-reach goal. It has to do with living up to our potential. Everyone, no matter how lowly, has the potential to attain excellence in his or her life – but not perfection.
When you wake up each morning, give yourself – and your partner – permission live in beta mode, surrounded with lots of grace.
And if you insist on perfection, let it have to do with God’s power being made perfect in your weakness.
Reflect and Respond
What one trait or behavior in yourself would you like your partner to see as a “beta” version of you and why?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
For those who want to grow in the art of loving well, this book contains reflections on 1 Corinthians 13 featuring 16 different translations and paraphrases of the Bible’s beloved “Love Chapter.”
Because my wife and I (and our marriage) are under grace, our relationship will be whatever God has pre-determined it to be. He has eliminated the need for striving. So there is nothing left to be accomplished by mine or my wife’s words or deeds. We must simply recognize that our marriage has already been made perfect under grace.
No, I personally do not agree with that statement, but I have a friend that does, has said the same. He is heavy into some of the latest teaching going around lately.
Being 40 years old when we met, and having had prior, unhealthy/unpleasant, relationships, I think my husband and I treat each other with quite a bit of grace. We both choose to believe the best of the other and assign pure motives, even in areas where we differ. Nobody claims or expects perfection and we both know that God has blessed us with the perfect spouse for us!
Everything. My husband does not forgive anything no matter how small. If I do anything wrong he says I deserve to be punished. Which means bringing it up over and over again to hurt me. He behaved like a Christian when we married but it was not real. I’ve turned myself inside out to try to make him happy. I don’t expect perfection from him and have always forgiven him. I don’t think a marriage can survive without grace. After twenty years of marriage, I’m leaving.
Praying for strength and courage and peace for you, Sister Anita! I could have written your post, 5 years ago. God does not want His precious daughters wounded by evil, hurting men. He has a plan for you and I’m excited that you get to find out what that is! I pray that you have a good support system around you and that you stay safe during your exit. Stay close to Jesus and He will guide your path.
The problem with perticteonisfs, albeit not the only one (This line is becoming a theme.), is that they’re demanding. They demand a lot from themselves. They sometimes demand a lot from others. They demand, demand, demand.