On a recent summer trip to the New England coast we discovered a little lighthouse that has been a source of encouragement to many lonely sailors over the years. Minot’s Ledge Light, near Scituate, Massachusetts, was first lit on November 15, 1860. Its cost of $300,000 made it the most expensive light house ever constructed in the United States at that time. Its special encouragement to sailors comes in the fact that it signals nautical code, a 1-4-3 flashing cycle, to spell “I love you.” Wives in this sailing town originated this message to encourage their husbands out at sea and remind them how much they were loved.
Several years ago the Coast Guard decided to upgrade the light by replacing the old equipment. They announced that for technical reasons the new machines would be unable to flash the “I love you” message. Both the people of Scituate and the sailors protested. The Coast Guard finally weakened. The old equipment, noticeably out of date, was reinstalled and remains in Scituate to faithfully send its encouraging message to the sailing husbands.
Every spouse—sailor or not—needs an encouraging word. More than that, we need a marriage that serves as a kind of safe harbor, a place where we can count on being encouraged and loved. How can you do this? We can tell you what works for us. Most Sunday evenings we ask each other a simple question: What can I do this week to be a better spouse to you? It can sound intimidating at first, but more often than not, our answers are surprisingly simple: Hold my hand a little bit while we’re in church; go to the computer store with me on Thursday; show a little more appreciation when I cook a meal. You get the idea. It’s simply being intentional about making our marriage a safe harbor.
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What simple and yet incredibly powerful idea! As someone who is married to an introverted personality who expresses and receives love though acts, this simple little suggestion of asking her what I can do to be a better husband is genius! Not that this isn’t a good idea for everyone, but for me even after 20+ years with my wife and the fact that I work with personality type and communication daily I had never thought of this simple act for my wife. As an introvert the routine of doing this every week will give here the chance to to be prepared for it and think through so she is comfortable with it and since her love style is one of service and security it gives m a chance to hear from her what she needs from me to receive that. Thank you so much to such a simple, but incredibly useful suggestion!!!
You’re welcome, Andy! So glad this habit has made such a great impact on your marriage!
My wife and I are going to read this together this morning and then I am going to hold her and kiss her and tell her that I do love her!
Awesome, Bob!
A great reminder of how simple it is to be intentional about our communication with our spouse! Several years ago I started asking my wife, “Name one thing I can change to make our relationship better.” I knew before I asked that I might not want to hear the answer to that question. But, I choose to ask and told myself that I’d do it, whatever it was, because I didn’t want just a surface relationship. I ask her that question about every year and either change whatever she wants, or we may compromise on an item. But compromising is the last step I take.
My wife and I decided long ago that our home would be our “safe harbor.” The world beats us down, day in and day out. We need a safe harbor to get away from that world. When we walk into our home, we know that there’s someone who loves us; someone who’s on our side; it’s a place where we don’t have to be afraid, where we can vent, a place where we’re unconditionally loved, a “safe haven.” Consequently, the thought of going home is always a pleasure, something we always look forward to. Teach your kids this gift; they’ll benefit from it. Les & Leslie, thanks for the encouragement!!
Thank you for sharing, Randy! It’s great to hear stories of couples already doing this!
Is there a way to post these devotions on ones Face Book page? I will send it on to our Marriage Encounter Circle! We have used your book “Proverbs for Couples” for circle presentations. You two do very good and needed work! Bless you! Sue
Absolutely, Sue! To share on Facebook, just click the little Facebook icon in the area above the comments. It’s open a share window where you can add your own comment and select how to share it. So glad you find the devotions helpful!
wow I have asked and I get the shoulder, my husband is too guarded, though I keep trying, I married my friend but feel like a roommate with standards held too high. Yup lonely.
Lisa: So sorry to hear this. We wince reading that you are feeling lonely in your marriage. Know that we have said a prayer for you and your marriage.
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