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You don’t have to be related to Mr. Scrooge for a little apprehension to makes its way into your thinking about the family uniting in hopes of some Christmas cheer. After all, this season comes pre-packages with a certain level of stress. Why? Because of some pretty high hopes and steep expectations. Not to mention, there’s shopping to do, cards to be sent, meals to prepare, events to attend, fattening foods to avoid, and money worries to manage. It’s enough to turn our hopes for happiness and joy with our family into anxiety and worry. Literally. Professionals call it “seasonal emotional disturbance.”

“Oh, great!” you may be saying, “On top of all my holiday stress I now have to worry about having a holiday disorder. You’re right. So let’s set the psychobabble aside and do two things: Identify a couple important reasons why Christmas can become so stressful and a couple things you can do can do to minimize it.

Family misunderstandings top the list of Christmas stress for most. Conflicts often come to the surface this time of the year because getting the whole family together means adjusting plans or managing disappointments when schedules don’t work or some members decide to spend the Christmas someplace else. And when families do reunite, old roles reemerge – roles that were developed when they were a child in the family. And when people regress to their childhood roles (usually without knowing it) other people pay the price. “Why is Tim being so lazy?” his wife may ask. Or, “Does it seem like Sara is really be selfish to you?” a twenty-something sister asks her mom. When you place all of this on top of the experience of shopping for the perfect gifts for one another and not receiving the hoped for response when they opened it, or a critical comment is made about some decorations, or somebody neglects their promise to shovel the sidewalk, happiness is bound to plummet.

Another high-ranking stressor has to do with the emotional and physical drain we experience. Because we’re thinking about the excitement of the season, we often don’t see this stressor coming. After all, Christmas is a time to relax and unwind. We have an image in our mind of curling up and relaxing by the fire with family. But what we don’t always consider is how much we’re attempting to do in such an intense period of time (and often on little sleep). Even when the activities are basically pleasant, they are not part of our routine and they push us to do more than we anticipated. Why? Because we want Christmas to be happy, meaningful, and – yes – restful.

So what can we do to improve our chances for making this important season everything we hope for? Well, first of all, we need to carefully examine what we’re hoping for. It’s true. Our expectations, if we’re not careful, set us up for disappointment. So begin by asking yourself what you’re really wanting from your family time together this year. Be as specific as you can and then question how realistic your hope is. For example, if you are hoping this is the year when your feuding family members make amends around the Christmas dinner table, you’re likely to be let down. In fact, this particular time of the year can even intensify relational fissures. You get the point. So take a close look at your expectations.

Here’s some other things you might try to de-stress this holiday:

1. Be thankful.

Research shows that people focusing on gratitude and thankfulness are far more likely to enjoy the holiday season. Take 10 minutes and make a list of what makes you grateful. Chances are that mentally, you’ll return to this list again and again during the season and each time, it’ll help you refocus on gratitude.

2. Put on your walking shoes.

We all know that excersise is proven to reduce stress. This is particular important at this time of year. Even a brief neighborhood walk can work wonders to clear your mind.

3. Pamper yourself.

If you’re the kind of person that’s focusing full time on others, by all means carve out some time just for you. Take a nap. Get a massage. Read a book. Do whatever will restore your soul.

Lastly, what we are about to suggest may sound trite but it’s not meant to be. You’ve probably recently seen it on a sign outside a local church in all likelihood: Remember the reason for the season. With all the commercial hype it’s easy to lose sight of what we’re celebrating. The birth of God’s Son would leave us cold this season, if not for the death of Jesus, enfolding us in the warm glow of his mercy. Our celebration of his birth needs to be wrapped in the swaddling clothes of God’s grace. Our awe at Advent is not just that he came at all, but that he came to be crucified. When we keep this meaningful message in mind, the stress of the holiday can’t help but dissipate.

If your Christmas is to be a happy one, it won’t be because of perfect meals, perfect weather, perfect gifts, or perfect connections. The perfect family Christmas celebration simply does not happen. It will be because we remember the reason for the season, adjust any unreasonable hopes, and decide to be in the moment and a blessing to everyone as best we can.