This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song of Solomon 5:16
Remember your wedding vows?
Well, you probably included something in your vows that some of today’s couples are skipping. There’s a surprising trend occurring in the wedding industry.
USA Today, in a recent article titled “Couples Take Their Vows in a New Direction,” reported the following:
The piece goes on to interview the editor of Bride’s magazine who says that “many couples prefer to start their lives together with ‘guidelines, not a straight-jacket of rules.’”
The Rev. Ena Drouillard, who is also quoted in the article, says 50 percent of couples now refuse the word forever because they really don’t believe in it.
Sad, don’t you think?
Vows made in a storm are forgotten in calm. –Thomas Fuller
It’s just one of the reasons that we have recently launched a new and revolutionary tool for everyone who works with engaged couples: ministers, chaplains, counselors, coaches, and Marriage Mentors.
It’s called the SYMBIS Assessment (SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts). You can learn more at SYMBISassessment.com but let us give you a quick overview of how it works:
2. Invite Couples to Take the SYMBIS Assessment: As a facilitator, you have your own full-featured Dashboard where you can easily invite couples to take the assessment and a whole lot more.
3. Unpack the Report: With the powerful 15-page Report in hand, you determine the number of sessions for debriefing it with the couple (or group of couples).
As one pastor in Wichita, Kansas recently told us: “I am floored. This is amazing! Couldn’t be more excited to use this with couples in our church. It outclasses everything I’ve ever seen.”
If you work with pre-engaged, engaged or newlywed couples, we hope you’ll give the SYMBIS Assessment a look. It’s time we help new couples put the forever back in their wedding vows.
By the way, if you don’t happen to work with engaged or newlywed couples, we hope you’ll help us spread the word to those you know of who do. Regardless, we’d love to have you respond to this week’s “Reflect and Respond” question.
Reflect and Respond
What’s the best or worst advice you got when you were engaged to be married?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Make your work with engaged and newlywed couples more effective and easier – instantly! Become a certified SYMBIS Facilitator in just 3 hours. You can begin using the worlds more practical pre-marriage assessment today – and revolutionize the way couples launch lifelong love!
The worst advice was simply what wasnt said
If you want your marriage to work you have to put it first in your lives. It can’t come after work, hobbies, and overbearing in laws. Of course if both parties didn’t have great parents or a good childhood they are starting at a disadvantage and have to work much harder. This was us and we didn’t make it and I came to these realizations too late. We actually attended classes through a church and they simply said love is a decision. While I agree with that statement it wasn’t enough. The how-to was missing. How to respect and love long term. There needs to be a recipe that is based on research like Gottham’s work or Harley’s steps for romantic love.
The best advice I was given was that marriage is not something you rush into but when you both are prepared, remember it is a commitment for life. Both of you must make your marriage your top priority in life. Draw upon God whenever problems arise and they will. The worst advice I was given was I better play the field before you get married You will be tied down once you say ‘I DO’ .We have been married for 46 years and I sure hope He grants us many many more years together!!!
Worst advice – from Christian women too. Don’t marry any man with a belly because you may have to be their nursemaid.
Best advice- get to Christian counselor and also any personality tests can help sort out and clarify anything that may help in future harmony for particular issues.
Very bestest advice- seek The Lord and He will help you to know or see anything you need to know & understand.
Two Bests: “Never go to bed angry at each other.” – Jean Rumbley. “The best thing you can do for your children is love their mother.” – unknown.
During Pre-Marital Counseling my pastor told me and my fiancé a very simple yet profound statement that has proven very true after almost 15 years of marriage. The statement was this…”The thing that you love most about your fiancé now will be the thing in marriage that drives you the most crazy later.”
It’s so true because opposites attract. I loved things in her that I was not (Ex: Organized, Detail Oriented, Planner) and she loved things in me that she was not (Carefree, Easy Going). We saw them as strengths and those strengths draw us together and give us something to respect. Once you are married you can easily see how these strength/opposites cause friction points that can cause problems if you don’t work as a team utilizing each others strengths FOR each other instead of against each other.
We joke now and say her message to me is will you get moving and start working the plan, and I say will you chill out and relax a bit. We balance each other out and make a great team which is exactly how God wanted us to be…better because of/with each other. We now have the perspective of… we are on the same team and our end zone is that way…now together how do we get there? We are not offense and defense playing against each other, we are both offense together and defense together always playing the same side of the ball together with our different strengths helping our team/family win in life! See differences as strengths for the sake of your team!
When we got married 35 years ago my Anglican church recommended a marriage preparation course over a weekend. We were able to find one near us and did this. It was a wonderful preparation for many different parts of our new life together. We were just graduating from university and would be setting up a home, starting work, getting married etc. etc. The course was on Friday night, most of the day Saturday and Sunday morning. It consisted of talks by and discussion with many different couples from different stages of life and professions. They gave us advice on legal, practical, emotional, child-rearing, what to expect in the future, conflict resolution and many other areas. I don’t remember the details, but I do remember there was a couple with young children, an older retired couple, professionals who knew about leases for apartments, marriage contracts, divorce proceedings, dealing with aging parents needs, setting up businesses etc. etc. Very worthwhile and eye-opening when you are young and inexperienced.
My wife and I had a great marriage understanding that the two of us and our Lord were one. After she was diagnosed with a terminal disease we renewed our vows with about thirty close friends in attendance. Never did they mean so much. She went to our true home last year and I’m rethinking what forever means regarding my life now. I believe she would tell me to find another partner for the rest of my life, (but of course she would want to select her.)
I write a note to her at the end of each day telling her about the events. When she was present here she wanted me to talk more and I couldn’t think what to say. Now I have hundreds of pages I wish I could tell her.
And what does forever mean in my life now? I’m patiently waiting on the Lord to explain it. I certainly haven’t seen much written about it from this perspective.
I’m not sure this was advice, but knowing that I was marrying a good, God loving man, my mom said to me, “If you have something bad to say about S____, I don’t want to hear it.” That was 37 years ago & I still appreciate her confidence in him and me to work things out.
Our church makes people attend premarital counseling that is mentored by an older couple. First each person completes a profile and then the mentoring couple goes thru each issue of your profile and discusses the differences between you and your fiancé. This meant a lot to my wife and I. We had both been married before and realized that we both had baggage. We would meet for 1-2 hrs every week to go each section. We learned so much about each other and from the older couple it was wonderful. I am very thankful for them and for my wife. We also attended a class on Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts by Dr Les and Lesie Parrot. Best advice I received – Never stop learning about your spouse, continue to “date” her throughout your marriage. Worst advice – there are other fish in the sea. Your marriage is what you put into it. If you invest in it it will grow and like the stock market there will be ups and downs during those years.
My husband and I were told by the Pastor who married us that marriage is like putting a loaded gun in your spouses hands and trusting them not to shoot you. My husband. & I often reflect on those words & truthfully. 5 years later I am still learning how true those words are. I’m also beginning to understand that the pastor was referring to how much trust, faithfulness, commitment & loyalty a marriage requires to be healthy.
The best advice I received before I got married was, “One day you’ll wake up and ask yourself, ‘What in the world did I do?'” Not being absolutely certain that all married people ask themselves that question, it was helpful to me because I DID ask that question — and it was on our Honeymoon!!! LOL I was thankful to know it was “normal” that I didn’t always have those wonderfully romantic, “I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in love”-type feelings! We’ll soon be celebrating 40 years of marriage. “LOVE IS A DECISION” was an eye-opener for me, too! There was a little sign with that phrase taped on our TV at a Marriage Conference! Little did I know just how important that would be to me in the next year. My husband and I faced and have overcome HUGE challenges in our marriage! Truly, ALL thanks and glory to God!!! It has been so worth the fight and commitment!!! Our sovereign Lord put significant people in our lives to help us along this journey. We’ve both learned that putting our relationship with Jesus first is crucial! As we grow in Him, His love for each other grows deeper. We still have “growing pains”, but you see, we’re still being perfected! :)) God is good to give us what we need when we need it!
Worst advice: Don’t go to bed angry. Often, we argued because I was angry, and TIRED. I NEEDED rest. Five pregnancies in four years will do that to you. Our defenses are down when we are in HALTS: hungry, angry, lonely, tired and/or sick. We don’t cope as well and often need a nap.
Best advice: Love is a decision, and “you’re not coming home when you have a fight; work it out!”
Marriage is a three strand rope, God, your partner and then you. When we interact with each other with a servants heart, we are trying to “out love ” the other, works every time! And when I don’t FEEL in love with him, I just ask God to increase my love for him; within twenty-four hours, I’m like a giddy school girl again.
We just celebrated fifty-one years in January, and it was because we didn’t have an escape clause in the contract. We too, experienced HUGE challenges, but we each made a FOREVER promise to the other.
Best advice: to apply to our prayer life the scripture “where two or more come together, there I will be also” (Matt 18:20). The remarriage councillors encouraged us to come together and pray. Hold hands, hug, sit side-by-side and pray. We have seen many miracles happen through our prayer life together. It has brought unity in times of struggle and made us remember that we are a team working at serving God.
what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him….. Bad advice
And just let things slide they will work themselves out with time. Bad advice
Good advice. Remember why you married him when you think he said something very rude or hurtful.
It’s is usually what I think he meant! So often it just lack of clear communication. So always say ‘ I think you just said’ … Saved many a potential argument!
Best advice? That we should regularly read God’s Word together and pray together. We took that good advice and started a life-long habit together. As we have read God’s Word, we have had many “Ah-Ha” moments together. And as we pray, we know we are carrying on a three-way conversation with the Lord in His throne room. This June, we will celebrate our 49th wedding anniversary, and we attribute a great deal of our “oneness” to this wonderful advice!
I — we have tried to open the link to begin the training and become facilitators but all we get is a name and photo of a heart on blank page
Best advice: keep GOD first and pray together