Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:3
Imagine that the two of you have just returned from an amazing vacation to the Gallipolis Islands, but after the obligatory “how was your trip?” the conversation with another couple, your friends, turns to and remains on them.
They tell you about some new landscaping they’re putting in, a conversation they had with their child, or a movie they just saw.
They seem oblivious to you and your recent experience – and they are.
How does this happen?
How can someone do this?
In a word, egoism. Think of this couple as wearing mirrored sunglasses with the lenses flipped around. Everywhere they look they see a reflection of themselves and their own desires. They think they are looking at you, but they aren’t. Their egoism pushes them to project feelings and thoughts on to you that have far more to do with their own emotions than yours.
We’ve all experienced this with other people.
And get ready to cringe – other people have probably experienced it with us. It happens.
“One may understand the cosmos,
but never the ego.”
G. K. Chesterton
If we are not intentional about looking beyond our own ego, we end up looking at ourselves – and never knowing it.
That’s the embarrassing calling card of the ego.
It doesn’t alert us to the fact that it’s paying a lengthy visit. If we’re not careful, it just shows up unannounced, and we don’t give it a second thought. And that’s precisely the problem.
We need to routinely keep our ego in check.
Wondering how to do that? As a couple, you can help each other, as iron sharpens iron. In social settings you can help each other turn the conversation to others. When one of you begins to let ego drive the conversation a bit too long, the other can grab the wheel and put the focus elsewhere.
Reflect and Respond
Can you think of a time when you have done this for each other? Or how about a time when you wish your partner would have done this for you?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Couples who are stepping on each other’s toes should try walking in each other’s shoes. Trading Places reduces conflict, deepens your commitment, and helps you live as better friends and lovers. Mutual empathy—the revolutionary tool for instantly improving a relationship—can be learned and practiced!
I notice in the scriptures that Jesus always focused on the person to whom He was speaking intently with the goal of meeting the person’s deepest need. In social situations I find it difficult to remember Jesus’ model but I am working on focusing on Jesus’ model more in my daily life. He is our example of how to interact with love, patience and kindness toward others. One of my “pet peeves” in church life is the person who asks you to share, then in two seconds gets distracted and begins talking to someone else that has caught their attention. I surely agree with the “ego” aspect. I pray I will treat others as Jesus treated others.
My wife and I have been reading your week devotionals for several month, we have also taught your classes for couples at our church.
A good friend writes a weekly article for our local paper..thought you would enjoy.
Dan
The Playhouse
This week marks another milestone for Othel and me – the big 47 anniversary. I guess it’s big because it’s only three years away from the bigger #50!
We’ve covered a stockpile of 50th anniversary celebrations – especially in our early photography years before digital cameras and IPhones. I remember thinking the honored couple were ancient and might not survive the celebration.
Now that I find our union nearing the 50th anniversary, my thinking has switched lanes. The mirror tells me we are in our “winter” years, but my heart refuses to think age. “Seasoned” is a better description for the 47th celebration.
We’re comfortable around each other like a favorite pair of worn house shoes. We can travel the highway for miles – one of us talking nonstop or both ride in silence. It’s relationship without pressure.
I can prepare a four-course meal, and he brags on how it tastes, or we can get by on a bowl of cereal and split a Snickers for dessert. It’s a relationship without demands.
He still opens the door for me, and I still say, “Thank you,” because his thoughtfulness pleases me. It’s relationship with respect.
He would make a great Wal-Mart greeter, and I could be happy in a closet with a book. It’s a relationship of acceptance.
He can start a sentence, and I finish it or vice-versa. We laugh at the same jokes and share a bucket of popcorn at the movies. It’s a relationship of unity.
The right side of the bed is always his, and I know the left is mine – wherever we sleep. He leaves at least three pairs of shoes by his side of the bed, and I put them in his closet. It’s a relationship of adjustments.
While I cook a meal, he volunteers to wash the dishes and clean up behind my mess. Since I crawl out of bed in the mornings, and he springs out, he fixes my cup of coffee first. It’s a relationship of kindness.
When I backed over a tree by our Etta drive, he said not to worry – that’s why we bought insurance. When he backed into a car’s bumper last week, I told him not to worry – that’s why we bought insurance. It’s a relationship of understanding.
When I burn the toast, he doesn’t complain. When he weed eats my struggling plant, I plant another one. It’s a relationship of forgiveness.
My sense of direction never fully developed in my brain. He understands and waits for me outside restrooms just in case I take the wrong left. He can drive for miles looking for our destination, but I’ve stopped asking him to ask someone for directions. It’s a relationship of patience.
In 47 years we’ve covered lots of miles, some in tears – most in laughter – and all bound in God’s love. 1 Corinthians 13:8 says, “Love never fails.” That’s the key to 47, 57 or 107. It’s a love relationship.