Celebrate God all day, every day.
I mean, revel in him!
Philippians 4:4
Every once in a while we encounter someone who tries to argue that making happy is a selfish pursuit. We understand that thought. After all, some silly and downright selfish things are done in the name of pursing happiness. Many a marriage counselor will attest to hearing something along these lines: “I’m not happy in this marriage; God wants me to be happy; therefore I want out of this marriage.”
This self-centered perspective is mistaking hedonism for happiness. They think their circumstances are supposed to make them happy. They are pursuing pleasure at the cost of meaning. Don’t fall for this lie.
Hedonism does not equal happiness.
Hedonism, the goal of which is to maximize net pleasure, lacks meaning altogether. And meaning is a vitally important ingredient of true happiness. It’s a fact, not just a biblical sentiment:
The highest happiness on earth is the happiness of marriage.
–William Phelps
Our long-time friend Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage and many other books, is well known for asking this question: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy instead of happy?”
How could it be otherwise? The pursuit of holiness can’t help but bring an abiding happiness and joy. Why? Because holiness, being devoted to God’s ways of being, subsumes meaning and love. And true happiness is never fulfilled without it. When we sow holiness, we reap happiness.
Truth be told, happy people are more loving people—the very opposite of selfish. When we get a lock on true happiness, it makes us more sociable and self-giving; it increases how much we like ourselves and our partner. Happiness improves our ability to resolve conflict.
The bottom line: happiness makes us more loving and lovable. That, in a nutshell, is why we wrote a book on happiness for couples.
Reflect and Respond
How do you and your spouse “make happy” in your marriage?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
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Making Happy explores the science, the art, and the practice of happiness in marriage. Drawing from real-life examples, this book offers insights into how your brain and relationship affect each other as you make happiness in your marriage a conscious, delightful habit.
Loved this post! Soo true! Thanks for continuing to share God’s wisdom with us! Keep up God’s work! It is very
encouraging to me and many others! God Bless You!
BC: You are so kind to say so. It means a ton to hear these encouraging words. Thank you!
Forgiveness is a piece of happiness and certainly an element of holiness, too. It’s pretty hard to be happy while carrying a load of grudges and bad memories. Makes it hard to be holy as well. I doubt a person can be self-centered and forgiving at the same time.
Sharon: You are SO right! Forgiveness is such an essential part of holiness, health and happiness. One of our favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis on the topic: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” Hearing this always helps to make forgiving each other just a little bit easier – not to mention happier. 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
A great place to start addressing this issue, is in our parenting. If we raise kids who we fuse about to ensure that they are happy….we will raise kids who will never be happy in a long relationship.
It’s not my wife’s responsibility to make me happy. To often we expect our spouse to replace God or expect them to be responsible for us.
Great post. Don’t see the word hedonism around much; good for you.
Thanks, as always, Eric. You’re right on the money regarding the parenting perspective. What an important quality to instill in a child.
I love the verse you included at the top of your article. I was wondering what translation you used, so I looked it up, but couldn’t find it in Isaiah. Where is it from? (Celebrate God all day, every day.
I mean, revel in him) I’d like to put it up in my home.
Scratch my last comment – I see that the verse reference has been corrected. Philippians, it is, then!
Yes. You caught that about the same time we did. So glad you like this little passage. Powerful words, for sure. Thanks, Natalie. So glad to hear you’re posting it in your home. Love that!
I am so blessed! Raised in a Christian home, I learned that only God brings true joy. During nearly 20 years in an emotionally and mentally abusive marriage, God was my lifeline, and I continued to choose a happy attitude. He released me from that and a few years later, I married a godly man who, despite being single at 40, chose happiness whatever his circumstance, also.
Since both of us have this determination to enjoy what God showers upon us and to choose an attitude of happiness, it makes our marriage so rich! We’ll celebrate our first anniversary on May 31st and even living with my in-laws and working the farm since my father-in-law became disabled, on top of our full time jobs and having my step-son 50% of the time (and coordinating with his mother), we have not had any issue that we could not work through!
I’ve told my dear husband that he is the biggest blessing God ever gave me!
Jenn: You are a living example of rising above your circumstances to flourish – because you choose to. What a testimony. Thanks so much for giving us a bit of your impressive story.