Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent.
A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time.
Hebrews 12:15
After an exhausting weekend of speaking, bookended by travel days with little sleep, we were finally back home. Regrouping. Rejuvenating.
Wanting to nurture Les back into a place of strength and rest, I served him his favorite healthy breakfast of oatmeal. Just the way he likes it – with an assortment of nuts and berries. I event put the milk in a little pitcher next to his glass of orange juice.
As he began to enjoy his meal I announced I was tackling his laundry, knowing this would add to his sense of wellbeing, getting his whole world back in order.
In response, Les looked up at me, didn’t say a word, and began to clap—an exaggerated and sort of slow-motion clap.
As I left the room that impromptu applause filled my soul with utter bewilderment. I felt my tired cheeks grow hot, and the tears rimming my eyes began to fall. I wondered why on earth he would give me that kind of a response, which looked for all the world like a Saturday Night Live sketch we had often laughed about together featuring the “sarcastic clapper.”
Out of discord comes the fairest harmony.
–Heraclitus
As I filled the washing machine I told myself he didn’t deserve my help. He could do his own laundry.
Why in the world would he belittle me for telling him I was doing the laundry?
Didn’t he know how tired I was, how there were a million other little things I wanted to be doing with my time?
I work every bit as much as he does and there was no reason either of us should assume this is my job!
Manual labor is a good outlet for anger, and I was stuffing and fluffing those clothes with great “enthusiasm.”
Later, when I was feeling less fragile, I circled back to Les to confront him. My confused husband said, “What? My mouth was full of oatmeal when you told me you were doing my laundry, and I just wanted you to know how happy it made me, so I applauded.”
Perception is everything.
And even though I pride myself on being a highly intuitive person who reads her husband pretty well, and I might add, has finally mastered the mystery of discerning his dry wit (my mantra with Les for the uninitiated is “assume he’s joking”), I had totally missed his motives.
I cried again, this time for laughing. The relationship was once again repaired, and with every single repair our trust is deepened.
Reflect and Respond
Care to share an example of when a misperception on your part with your spouse led to a bit of friction?
Go ahead, tell us in the comments.
Related Resource
Making Happy explores the science, the art, and the practice of happiness in marriage. Drawing from real-life examples, this book offers insights into how your brain and relationship affect each other as you make happiness in your marriage a conscious, delightful habit.
he he. Thanks for the open honest illustrations of everyday misunderstandings.
Love you guys!
You’re very kind, Carmen. Thanks.
One day my wife called and said she was stopping to look at some free puppies on her way home from class.
I told her, I was going to pick our dog up at the kennel and see how he got along with the rescued dog the kennel owner asked us to adopt when we dropped our dog off headed out on vacation a week earlier.
We had only been married for six months. And, misunderstanding what each other meant; we went from one dog to three dogs that afternoon. YIKES!!! I was upset because she said she was going to “look.” She was upset because I said I was going “see.”
THAT’S funny! Thanks, Eric.
It is so nice to see that you all are real people. Thanks for the encouragement!
You’re welcome, Ruth. We’ve always said that we are pilgrims along the path – not proclaimers.
I love reading your devotions, they all hit home!
Just a few months ago I told my wife how much I appreciate her taking care of me. She does work as hard as I do and she still comes home to cook dinner and do the laundry. I thank you for reminding me that verbal communication is always the best. We have been married for 30 years, and have had many misunderstandings in those years. We have found talking about our feelings and what the other person really wants does make a difference. Thank you again for doing what you do. Marriage is sacred!
God Bless!
You are very kind, Mike. Thanks!